Music Monday!

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Hey, guess what? A band came to my school today for “Music Monday.” I got out of art class and recorded something like 25 minutes of them talking about the music industry. They performed afterward and I got a couple photos with the band members.

I’m also following them on twitter now. I’m not going to say who the band is, since it would DEFINITELY give away where I live; it’s posted right on their myspace page twice and one of the band members tweeted it.

They’re relatively unknown right now, (recently signed and all) and even though they claim to have been living in a “hippie bus” while on tour and that they’re “broke,” I DO firmly believe they’ll make it big.

Seriously.

When they performed, it was like giving a thousand gummy worms to a six-year-old or waking up to a snow day. Walking into a surprise party! Clinically depressed people would happy-dance at the sound.

As soon as the show was over, the majority of the audience flooded out of the auditorium and I desperately wanted to get a picture with them. But a good-quality one, not just the kind you take at arm’s length. So, as fast as I could, trying to maneuver myself around the crowd, I climbed over four rows of seats until I was within earshot of the next friend I saw to take the photo for me. (J.- that one I do yoga with who’s in my art class too.)

You know those movie-theatre seats the you have to flip down to sit on? Yeah, well my auditorium has those, but made of wood and metal. (Just as unstable, if not more so.) On my first step, my foot was basically eaten by the chair, swallowed in between its wood back and metal flip-seat-thing. Dammit, it hurt, but I had to go on!

And I did. I got 3 photos with various members of the band (I think one of them’s the bassist or the drummer and the other’s for sure the lead singer). One was like two ghostly figures in the dark due to poor auditorium lighting, but whatever. The lead singer was really nice about everything- the type of person who walks around the crowd rather than have you maneuver your way around it. And then checks to make sure the photo turned out okay with the poop auditorium lighting (and walks out into good lighting for a better photo) before you leave and the lead singer calls out, “Have a good one!”

“Thanks, you too!”

When I got home, Mother was at work so I had to get into the apartment myself. But oopsie-poopsie, I forgot my keys. It’s not the first time, either, so I did what I’ve always done. I walked all the way up to Mathew’s school to pick him up. (The first time I forgot my keys, I planned it mainly because I figured he’d have keys.)

IN THE SCORCHING, SOPPING HEAT, STILL CARRYING MY BACKPACK AND LUNCHBAG. (‘Sopping’ is a word, right? It sounds appropriate to me…) I want to complain about it being so hot so soon, but then I look at the calendar and realize it’s May. (Thank goodness, I think. May is the one month that always seems to never come, at least to me.)

And when I got to the school, I was a half-hour early. So I just went on a long walk on the roads intertwining the surrounding neighbourhood and took some pleasant photos. Beautiful, sunshine-y day, why shouldn’t I? I really love the neighbourhood up on top of the hill, by Mathew’s school. It’s so humble, pretty, and homey. It’s the street at the bottom of the hill where all the bad things happen.

(I live in this little apartment complex hidden at the side of the hill. Don’t get me wrong, poop still happens here, but I’ve not heard any gunshots like there are farther down the street. A couple nights ago I had the window open and couldn’t sleep, so I listened in to the loud conversation going on outside. There was the teen mother living in the apartment above me yelling at some man, saying, “You shoot people, [insert name in which I've forgotten here]! Forgive me for not wanting to invite you in because at anytime you could pull a gun on me and my kid! I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in killing people!” She sounded close to tears and all the while I was telepathically cheering her on.)

On my way back from the walk, I ran into my mother who drove me back to the school to pick up Mathew and back home. When I explained what I was doing, I got an expected smile, sigh, and eye roll.

I also took a nap for like, an hour when I came home. Got minimal sleep last night because I stayed up ’til, like, midnight-thirty writing my vampire story. (Page 71 now. )

That’s pretty much the gist of my life today.

I don’t remember if I made an entry yesterday, but that’s okay. You didn’t miss much. I relaxed all weekend for once. This weekend I go camping.

Alex Violet

P.S. Yeah, I do, actually, make a new paragraph for each sentence so it seems like I’ve written more than I have.

Haha, no. Actually, I do that because when I’m reading it over, I personally find it easier to understand. It’s like giving someone a page of instructions versus a page of numbered instructions. Plus, it adds effect.

Emotion, whatever.

P. P. S. I’m under the impression that there was no Students’ Council meeting today since I waited outside the SC room for five minutes and no one showed. (Not even to tell me there was no meeting.) I feel like I missed something significant… whatever. I’ve been to mostly all the other meetings, anyway. Can’t win ‘em all…
Maybe it was for the best anyway because the weather’s hot- but it’s cooler outside where there’s a breeze. I spent some time outside during lunch with a friend (who’s an absolute RAY OF SUNSHINE!) from pathfinders I haven’t seen in a while and one of her other friends. I felt AWESOME afterward.

This is what weirdness lurks in my life.

I’m going to start off with another sonnet. It is my ninth one and I call it Inescapeable Darkness. It’s sort of about my town and sort of about everyone’s quickness to enlist in the military before they even know what they’re getting into. Just because you’re killing the enemy doesn’t mean you’re not killing people.

Inescapeable Darkness
Alex Violet

Everywhere I hear gunshots, see bruises.
“Violence is not the answer,” I’ve always been told;
But then, “not everything can be solved with spit-shakes and truces.”
No sum or price should life behold,
Yet there are those persuaded without speaking a word.
You cannot stand alone, your spirit, it won’t allow;
So you do what is natural: you follow the heard.
Not to your wrongdoings but intentions, I bow.
When the media’s messages are so hypocritical,
Who the hell, what the hell are you supposed to believe?
For you, trust is natural, but I’ve become cynical.
The growing wounds of Earth aren’t so quick to revive.
When you can’t run away from others’ tears,
Who’s to say it won’t take over, your fears?

I think my poetry is starting to become darker and darker… I bet that if someone could read my mind but never see me they might think I was emo.

News:

-I am now certified in First Aid.
-I am busy.
-Life is good and overwhelming but I know it will pay off.
-I am so busy I’ve got to leave now.

So bye,

Alex Violet

PS No time to give you a good video from YouTube (plus several have the audio ripped off since Prince doesn’t like people appreciating his music by doing covers) but I completely recommend going to playlist.com and looking up “When Doves Cry” since it has been stuck in my head for the past two or three days since it is AWESOMAZING.

THERE SHALL BE JUSTICE!!! And other stuff.

I would like to make a point of saying I began writing this entry Tuesday and it is terribly, terribly belated.

I wasn’t going to give you a blog entry today (I didn’t really have much of a creative drive today) but then I saw this song on YouTube and it Changed My Life. This girl is going somewhere, I’m telling you.

And listen to the lyrics. She said in the video description that she wrote it about the people in the world that were truly suffering, like the prisoners who are abused and aren’t given the right to a fair trial and things like that.

And I stand beside that message. Beside, not behind. Because if I stand behind it, I’m not doing anything but silently following along with it. If I stand beside it, I’m right there up front with it, setting my own pace with the same message. (Please say that makes sense to you. I told you I don’t have much creative drive today.)

If there’s anything I’ve learned at all from life is that everyone lives in their own world, they choose what they want to hear, they choose what they want to see and feel. Growing up in the town I have, I censored my thoughts and words and what I was willing to put up with.

And it was only until recently that I realized that all censoring does is hide from the truth.

So these days I try to walk into the day with an open mind. I listen to swear words without constantly interrupting with, “AHEM! School language!” If you censor your words, you are limiting your own sense of expression. If you censor other people’s words, they won’t ever tell you anything you’d like to maybe know.

In my drama class the other day we were talking about movies. (Where the Wild Things Are, in particular.) One girl was saying how she thought it was overall good, but some of it she maybe wouldn’t recommend for little kids to see. And then whe was saying the weird violent parts were a little more adult.

So I said that things like that truly happen to kids in real life. Maybe not the whisked-away-into-a-magical-world part, but the parts at home where the mother’s paying attention to her own life and the kid tries to get attention the only way he knows how: to bite her. And then she throws the kid off her and yells, crying, “YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL!”

If it really happens, in REAL LIFE, to KIDS, and if real life isn’t censored, why should this movie be?

What I’m trying to say is don’t be afraid to speak your mind, don’t be afraid to be yourself.

STAND OUT.

It isn’t always a bad thing.

Watch this video, too. It’s from the movie I Could Never Be Your Woman. And yes, that’s the girl from the City of Ember movie, one of my favourite books although the movie wasn’t quite as interesting. (Saoirse Ronan is a really good actress though.)

-NOW THIS IS STUFF I DIDN’T WRITE AGES AGO-

On a different note, do you want to know some wicked good news? All-time goodness?

THIS.

These are screenshots of the stats for my blog. If you don’t understand, it’s just a graph of how many people saw my blog on which days.

The good news is that I’ve broken a couple of personal bests- by a LONG SHOT. You see, my previous most-amount-of-page-views-in-one-month record was 52. That was back in June, the summer, when I had more time to write entries, and it was my first month at blogging.

This week alone I got 124 page views. The month’s page views are 184.

Maybe your blog gets a super-duper amount of page-views more, but you are not me. And me, I am incredibly happy with the page views I’ve got. Well, more and more and more couldn’t hurt, but what I’m trying to say is I am proud of every single one of those page views. I earned them all.

I am taking a first-aid course this weekend and it’s going pretty well.

But I suppose once he (the instructor) got talking about panic attacks and breathing problems I went pale because everything he was describing sounds disturbingly familiar. I just didn’t realize I had so many troubles with breathing until now. I’ve dealt with a lot of depression in my life and psychological trauma (shootings happening in my neighbourhood, being bullied non-stop through most of my elementary school career, and then in grade 6 I went through a very emotional disturbed state with all the bullying that I would Not remove my massive puffy blue winter coat indoors as a psychological shield, living through one attempted murder against me when I was as young as eleven, having to see a guidance counselor the year after… sorry for rambling) but when they explained it in that Charlie Bartlett movie it didn’t seem like the same issues I’d ever had.
But no, according to this first-aid instructor, I’d gone through this several times before. Like when I’d wake up in the middle of the night back when I was going through that grade 6 rough patch.
One time, I remember, a summer after grade 6 or in a closer-to-now year, I had a panic attack in one of the wee hours of the night when I was spending the night at my grandparents’ with my brother there too. I woke Mathew up first, explaining to him what I felt: cold sweat, difficult to breathe; and he suggested at first that it was nothing. And then I kept pestering him about it and he said to go tell Gramma if it was that big of a problem. So Mathew came with me and we told Gramma and she got me some hot chocolate and had me wear her fuzzy socks. I got to have a good talk with her and she explained she thought it was hormones/puberty. We had a bit of a conversation and Mathew went back to bed before me. Hot chocolate, fuzzy socks and talking to Gramma made everything better. (Buddy, you helped too.)

I guess stresses are definitely a part of growing up. Panic attacks just mean you’ve taken it to the extreme and should probably do something about it…

I’m glad I was at my grandparents’ when that happened because my mom would’ve thought I was being paranoid (as I often was those days- I don’t blame her) and gotten mad at me for waking her up. Once again- I don’t blame her. When you’ve just woken up out of a really good sleep I can see how you wouldn’t want to be disturbed. One time at pathfinder camp a girl woke me up in the middle of the night during a wicked rainstorm because she needed a buddy to walk to the outhouse with her. I told her to go pee on the tree or something. She did. I felt bad and apologized.
I think Gramma was on the computer or something before Mathew and I interrupted her. Lately I notice she emails us at awkward hours like 5-something AM. But I suppose when you’re retired you can sleep whenever you want. I can’t stay up that late because I once stayed up ‘til sunrise without noticing until the sun was out and had a panic attack. When I’m retired I think I might get up early and go to sleep early. Because dawns are more beautiful than sunsets, in my opinion. Not that I like it when I’m walking to the bus-stop in half-darkness. But you know, it’s nice and exciting if you’re waking up early for a field trip or something, then the dawning comes up like poetry to gives you a giant “GOOD MORNING!” and the feeling that something great is going to happen, and that every inch higher the sun rises is one more inch closer to your destination/field trip. Sorry, got rambling again.

But I’ve learned quite a bit of first-aid and by the end of tomorrow I’ll be certified to Save Someone’s Life. YAYA!

+ I saw How to Train Your Dragon yesterday night and it is my NEW FAVOURITE!!!

SO yeah, life is awesomazing right now.

Grade 6 was brutal but I’m in Grade 10 now and I’m alright,

Alex Violet

Believe Anything is Possible

No, you’re not going crazy. You did not miss the other sonnets, I just never really posted them. Well, I posted one of them. But still.
Here’s another.

Meaning of Life
By Alex Violet

This world is a thousand jumps, learning to fly;
Awaiting on the day flight replaces fall.
So many times I have asked ‘why’,
Only to realize there is no meaning at all.
Who says you need a reason to want to be glad?
No one really knows what’s good for us after the end.
But I know I don’t want to live my life always mad.
I try to live it to the fullest, praying I’ll be a legend
Like the ones that make history and stretch possibility.
Who says you need a single bold meaning,
To live every second with pronounced dignity,
When every little thing brings you the feeling:
That even if this is all there is to it,
Maybe or even definitely, it’s 100% worth it.

Sorry if I offended anyone. Really and truly, I’m pretty sure I believe in heaven. Maybe not hell, though. I would think if you make (a) mistake(s), God would give you a second chance and you might be reincarnated over and over again. My dad once told me that there was a religion where they believed that the later your birthday was in the year, the more times you’d been reincarnated.

But really, I don’t mean to dictate my belief(s) to anyone. With that poem, I just meant to say that life is worth everything, every mistake and adventure and thing to be proud of.

Even if there isn’t anything after it, (I’m not saying there is, I’m not saying there isn’t) then “maybe or even definitely, it’s 100% worth it.”

I’m saying not to be afraid of indulgence, because no one truly KNOWS (we believe, we don’t know) what happens after this. (‘This’ being a living being’s life span.)

I’m sorry I didn’t write so much throughout the week, but I’ve actually been getting out of the apartment. I went on several walks, yesterday a 2-hour one with my friend and her sister around their neighbourhood. I very much love their neighbourhood as it is one with several farms and old-ish houses. (Some, I said, are haunted.) It was brutally warm out, but the breeze made it a zillion times better.
The day before that, Buddy and I played a couple of playground games with three neighbourhood kids. We played Grounders, Sardines, and Emperor. Before Emperor, some jerks who used to bully Buddy last year came around and started calling us (us as in all of us playing playground games) nerds at the top of their lungs.
So I yelled back, “DAMN RIGHT, BUT WE’RE THE AWESOMAZINGEST NERDS YOU’LL EVER MEET!!!”
And Buddy backed me up.

So overall I’ve been having a great week and tomorrow I’m going to visit my Grandparents. Who rule, by the way.

Alex Violet