Dignity. October 25, 2009

You’d think that a human being would be able to try their best without being critisized and proclaimed a failure.

Sometimes I feel like a teacher I know is the type of person that picks away at a person’s flaws until there is nothing left to degrade you. Then, when they have nothing left to complain about, they create it. They object to what little power you have left in you.

It’s like being held up like a pinata and beaten to the ground. Instead of taking the candy and rejoicing about it, they beat it too. They beat it into little bits until there is absolutely nothing left of you.

They are too lazy to come up with their own questions for you, so they assign you twenty questions out of the textbook. When you don’t finish them, they call you a typical lazy teenager.

They are always disappointed with the star pupil and not-so-subtly hint that everyone else is stupid.

They hold every person up to impossible standards. Metaphorically, you are expected to pole-jump over a bar raised halfway to the moon.

These people cannot possibly be satisfied.

I am satisfied in the fact that I won’t end up like that.

I’m going to try my best to work with this teacher, since they won’t be a main character in my life for very long, and if I do end up failing this course, at least I’ll have tried my stinkin’ best.

If I fail doing my very best, at least I will still have my dignity.

Besides, giving up would guarantee failure.

And I, Alex Violet, don’t want to give up. It’s against my philosophy.

Off to try my best,

Alex Violet.

Singing/Vocals Class. October 16, 2009

Our early report cards have recently been sent in the mail and I recieved mine yesterday.

The math teacher gave me all E’s (which is odd because I’m not so sure I’m doing that Excellently)

The science teacher gave me all G’s (I think I’m doing FAR better in science than math, but I honestly wouldn’t know because we have not had any assignments in which we’ve recieved marks for. Science is just more interesting to me.)

The civics teacher left it blank (? I don’t know but she said without all those homework assignments I never handed in, I am currently standing at an 88% in the class, which is also tied for the highest mark in the class. The class average is 59%)

And in vocals I had all S’s (for ’satisfactory’. I find this extraordinarily insulting, considering how brave I’ve been!)

Anywho, I have been given singing parts for these three songs:

[Come Together - The Beatles]

I’m supposed to sing backup for the last three (out of four) verses for this song.

Today the other backup singers were away because they had some sort of sports tournament. So it was only me and the lead singer, and I think she was a little surprised that I remembered what parts I was supposed to sing.
You see, last time I kept loosing my spot and singing the wrong parts because I’d forgotten about the last-three-verses thing and, plus, we were sharing one sheet of lyrics among 4 of us. (One lead singer, 3 backups) They’d turned the music stand so I could not see.

Anyway, the teacher had one girl print out copies for all of us, so I had my own to look at. It gave me a little more isolation and confidence for some reason, knowing I could not at all do worse than I had the last time. So that confidence must’ve shown and I feel proud and honest in saying that I am getting better. Better with confidence, I mean. I know I’m a good singer.

[Where it's at - Beck]

I only get to sing “Where it’s at/ I’ve got 2 turntables and a microphone” which is great with me, since it’s all I know. Plus, I’m not at all fond of rap.

[Notion - Kings of Leon]

I only sing “Don’t rock it”. Or is it ‘Don’t lock it’? (‘Don’t knock it’?) I don’t know, nobody gave me any lyrics. I’ll figure it out eventually.

These are songs on the list I wanted to sing:

[Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen]

Because I love Queen, (in 8th grade, my class went to the Queen Musical on a school trip, and it was AWESOMAZING.) and the song sounds really cool and it’s fun to sing!

[All these things - The Killers]

Because I do have soul, and I am not a soldier.
This song makes me feel empowered!

[I will survive - Cake]

I tried for a solo on this one, but started spacing out before the chorus and never finished the song.
Whatever. I was still brave, and I bet that if I could try for it one more time, I’d get it! But the girl with the solo now deserves it. So maybe I’ll try next year if I take vocals again and this song’s on the list.

These are some other songs on the list I wouldn’t have minded singing:

[Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder/The Red Hot Chilli Peppers]

[Times like these - the Foo Fighters]

[Wake up - Arcade Fire]

This song was in the “Where the Wild Things are” trailer!

[Spiderwebs - No Doubt]

These are a couple of songs that weren’t on the list that I wanted to sing:

[Don't stop believin' - Journey]

[Old School - Hedley]

[No sleep tonight - The Faders]

[Somebody to Love - Queen]

[Runaway - Avril Lavigne]

Anyway, sorry if I’m boring you, but thanks for reading this far.

Nothing overly-philosophical today, I guess. I have some more philosophical stuff about vocals class, but it would involve talking about one of my friends and it’s rather personal and I do not have her permission to write about her yet, and I still have to verify her code name with her.

(Listening to Lillix)

Your blogger/singer,

Alex Violet!

Stagefright. September 30, 2009

So many very notable things have happened to me so far in grade 10. I’ve faced a lot of fears so far and October is tomorrow. (Speaking of October- I believe that I’ll be Audrey Hepburn for Halloween.)

But I’ve also been struggling with unusually terrifying stagefright.

I am, actually, used to stagefright, but not quite to this degree, you see. (Oh my goodness, I just rhymed. )

In vocals class, we are required to sing. We aren’t required to sing solos, but we get the oppourtunity and I know that I have a talent, so I wanted to try it out. But when I am nervous, it affects my voice.

So when I got in front of the microphone, I started off alright but sort of off-key. (At least from what I could hear of my voice, but it may just be my being self-concious.) I didn’t feel so empowered because my vocals class is full of kids from all different grades, and so many of them had been in this class last year, the year before, and for even some they’d been in it the year before that.

So you see, I felt like I was trying to sing in front of so many professionals, people who knew how to sing and knew a good voice or a bad voice when they heard it. They knew all the notes and how to read sheet music, etc. They’d be able to easily tell if my voice was spot-on or if I was way off. It felt like the standards were too high, and I got scared.

I paused a little into the first verse of “I will survive” partly because I didn’t understand the lyrics in the verse. (The chorus I like though.) And I like to understand what I am singing. If I understand it, I can really put my heart and soul into singing the song.

So I started hyperventalating a little bit and my eyes started watering and my heart was pounding in my ears. I couldn’t speak, let alone sing.

I didn’t get to sing the chorus because I practically ran back to my chair and it’s a good thing I had my water-bottle.

This reminds me of my fear of heights.

Back in eighth grade my school took the grades 7 and 8 classes to one of those places that has:

Rock climbing.

Mosquitoes.

Canoeing.

Mosquitoes.

Low ropes.

Mosquitoes.

And high ropes. (With the zipline and everything.)

Anyway, the high ropes was a problem for me because, as I said, I’m afraid of heights.

I had to climb up a ladder, then up a wooden telephone-pole thing, and from there, (forty feet up in the air!) I had to walk accross a wood balance beam to a small plank where I’d be attatched to a zipline and slide down. To the ground. Then they’d get a ladder and unattach me to the zipline and I’d walk down from the ladder. And I’d feel great about facing my fear.

Which I did, and it was great. Life-changing, even.

Except it took me at least an hour and/or a half to get through the course when it took everyone else somewhere around ten-fifteen minutes. But I got a lot of cheers when I finally stepped off the platform/plank. It felt great, and I’m really glad I faced that fear.

It was one of the highlights of my Grade 8 year.

And the weekend before last, I went on a camping trip with the student’s council, and we went through the same course. This time, I did it WAY faster, in maybe only half or less than the time I had the last time.

Afterwards, I told a couple of the other kids how scared I’d been the last time and how long it took me to just get up the ladder. (Okay, maybe I might’ve exaggerated a bit, but I wouldn’t actually know, seeing as this was a couple years ago (! has it been that long already?) and not everything’s crystal clear.)

They were all impressed, and I was even mentioned in the school paper.

They spelled my name wrong, but still.

(And for those of you who don’t already know, mispellings irritate me more than they should, WAY more than they should, and the one thing that irritates me more than that, is when people mispell my name. It REALLY is not that hard to remember!!!)

SO, my point is, that I was hysterical with my heart pounding in my ears then, too, and if I could do that, then I can do this.

The moral of my latest novel that I hope to finish is that LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE. It’ll all be okay in the long run. You’ve just got to always stay strong, and believe it.

“DON’T STOP BELIEVING!”
LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE!!!

Brave and sincerely,
Alexandra Violet.