Stagefright.

September 30, 2009

So many very notable things have happened to me so far in grade 10. I’ve faced a lot of fears so far and October is tomorrow. (Speaking of October- I believe that I’ll be Audrey Hepburn for Halloween.)

But I’ve also been struggling with unusually terrifying stagefright.

I am, actually, used to stagefright, but not quite to this degree, you see. (Oh my goodness, I just rhymed. πŸ™‚ )

In vocals class, we are required to sing. We aren’t required to sing solos, but we get the oppourtunity and I know that I have a talent, so I wanted to try it out. But when I am nervous, it affects my voice.

So when I got in front of the microphone, I started off alright but sort of off-key. (At least from what I could hear of my voice, but it may just be my being self-concious.) I didn’t feel so empowered because my vocals class is full of kids from all different grades, and so many of them had been in this class last year, the year before, and for even some they’d been in it the year before that.

So you see, I felt like I was trying to sing in front of so many professionals, people who knew how to sing and knew a good voice or a bad voice when they heard it. They knew all the notes and how to read sheet music, etc. They’d be able to easily tell if my voice was spot-on or if I was way off. It felt like the standards were too high, and I got scared.

I paused a little into the first verse of “I will survive” partly because I didn’t understand the lyrics in the verse. (The chorus I like though.) And I like to understand what I am singing. If I understand it, I can really put my heart and soul into singing the song.

So I started hyperventalating a little bit and my eyes started watering and my heart was pounding in my ears. I couldn’t speak, let alone sing.

I didn’t get to sing the chorus because I practically ran back to my chair and it’s a good thing I had my water-bottle.

This reminds me of my fear of heights.

Back in eighth grade my school took the grades 7 and 8 classes to one of those places that has:

  • Rock climbing.
  • Mosquitoes.
  • Canoeing.
  • Mosquitoes.
  • Low ropes.
  • Mosquitoes.
  • And high ropes. (With the zipline and everything.)
  • Anyway, the high ropes was a problem for me because, as I said, I’m afraid of heights.

    I had to climb up a ladder, then up a wooden telephone-pole thing, and from there, (forty feet up in the air!) I had to walk accross a wood balance beam to a small plank where I’d be attatched to a zipline and slide down. To the ground. Then they’d get a ladder and unattach me to the zipline and I’d walk down from the ladder. And I’d feel great about facing my fear.

    Which I did, and it was great. Life-changing, even.

    Except it took me at least an hour and/or a half to get through the course when it took everyone else somewhere around ten-fifteen minutes. But I got a lot of cheers when I finally stepped off the platform/plank. It felt great, and I’m really glad I faced that fear.

    It was one of the highlights of my Grade 8 year.

    And the weekend before last, I went on a camping trip with the student’s council, and we went through the same course. This time, I did it WAY faster, in maybe only half or less than the time I had the last time.

    Afterwards, I told a couple of the other kids how scared I’d been the last time and how long it took me to just get up the ladder. (Okay, maybe I might’ve exaggerated a bit, but I wouldn’t actually know, seeing as this was a couple years ago (! has it been that long already?) and not everything’s crystal clear.)

    They were all impressed, and I was even mentioned in the school paper.

    They spelled my name wrong, but still.

    (And for those of you who don’t already know, mispellings irritate me more than they should, WAY more than they should, and the one thing that irritates me more than that, is when people mispell my name. It REALLY is not that hard to remember!!!)

    SO, my point is, that I was hysterical with my heart pounding in my ears then, too, and if I could do that, then I can do this.

    The moral of my latest novel that I hope to finish is that LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE. It’ll all be okay in the long run. You’ve just got to always stay strong, and believe it. πŸ˜› πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

    “DON’T STOP BELIEVING!”
    LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE!!!

    Brave and sincerely,
    Alexandra Violet.

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