I meant to post this yesterday but then my internet decided to shut down on me. Lucky, it was saved as a draft.

December 3, 2009

It’s been too long! Too long, I say, since my last post.

Sorry ’bout that!

I’m also going to try and make my blog entries a little more interesting/organized by adding sub-headings.

The Semi-Formal Dance
There will be a semi-formal dance at my school on Friday and all of my friends are going with their boyfriends. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never even slow-danced with a guy.

It’s not that I’ve never had crushes; it’s just that I’ve never advertised myself to guys or ever let any of them know I liked them, even in a subtle way. I try not to flirt and I tend to not tell, like, anyone about who I have a crush on. I guess I’m what you’d call, “hard-to-get”. I’d rather have a guy ask me out. And so far, none have!

I’m okay with that, for the most part. I’m used to it. I’m used to people raising their eyebrows when I tell them I’ve never had a boyfriend. But this is _______ (insert name of my town here). Everyone here has dated before, it seems.

My little brother had a girlfriend when he was 9 or 10. (He’s 11 now.)

I am also obligated to go, since I’m on the student’s council. And I’m excited about it. I have a dress bought, and it is PERFECT for me. It’s about knee-length and it’s one shoulder and black. I’m going to try to make my look either flapper-inspired or Audrey Hepburn inspired. Probably Audrey, since my Gramma lent me a couple of her pearl necklaces and my Mum lent me pearl earrings that I wore for Halloween when I was Audrey.

Anyway, I’m going to be absolutely beautiful, whether or not I have a guy beside me.

As long as I have some friends to hang out with who aren’t intermingled with their boyfriends the whole night [making me feel left out/akward/uncomfortable] I will be perfectly fine.

I addressed this issue at pathfinders, and they all reassured me that there’s power in being single and that ‘it’ll be right when it’s right’.

I really love these people.

Plus, the girl who has a new boyfriend every couple of weeks wasn’t there.

Whatever. I’m going to look my best, and stand as tall as I can, and be as happy as I can, and hope for the best.

The Dentist
Went to the dentist on Tuesday. I brought in a book about ghosts and the dentist asked me if I was a ‘believer’. I told her yes. I got free toothpaste, floss, a toothbrush, and then I got to pick out a toy from the toychest. I picked out a little ring with a flower on it. I’m turn fifteen on the twenty-ninth of this month.

Crying at the movies

I saw ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ (my mum rented it for a mother-daughter movie night) sometime within the past week and I cried like CRAZY. I was basically having hysterics.

I have come to realize lately that over the years I have grown emotionally stronger, and that I can handle a lot more without crying nowadays. That is, in reality.

When I watch a mushy movie or a Rememberance Day assembly or something like that, I tend to sob uncontrollably. (For crying out loud, tears come to my eyes when I see the “When You’re Gone” music video or the SickKids or the Princess Margaret Hospital commercials.)

In fourth grade [approximately] I cried at everything. I cried if I got a C+ on a test. And you know, I’m trying to think of something else unreasonable to list that I cried about, but I cannot. I know I cried a lot, but I guess I had a really depressing childhood.

But now I’m stronger. I currently have a 58% in mathematics and although I’m terrified for it, I haven’t cried about it.

I mean, I had an emotional breakdown yesterday, but that was about a science test my mother wanted me to stay home from pathfinders to study for. I was pretty confident with the the content of the test then, and now, after the test, I’m thinking that much of the test was actually fairly simple. Or I could be wrong.

The Moon and Mars
Questions of the day:
If you could take 6 people to Mars with you (a year on the shuttle and a year on the planet), who would you want to take with you?
And, if you were given the option someday, would you live on the moon? I hear they found water on the moon a few weeks ago. LOTS of water. Google even changed their logo for the day for it and everything.

Life can be tough sometimes, but I’ll make it through. It’s all worth it.

Alex Violet

PS Don’t get me wrong, appearance and boyfriends aren’t everything to me. Really and truly. But sometimes it feels like those areas of my life are under a microscope.


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