THERE SHALL BE JUSTICE!!! And other stuff.

March 27, 2010

I would like to make a point of saying I began writing this entry Tuesday and it is terribly, terribly belated.

I wasn’t going to give you a blog entry today (I didn’t really have much of a creative drive today) but then I saw this song on YouTube and it Changed My Life. This girl is going somewhere, I’m telling you.

And listen to the lyrics. She said in the video description that she wrote it about the people in the world that were truly suffering, like the prisoners who are abused and aren’t given the right to a fair trial and things like that.

And I stand beside that message. Beside, not behind. Because if I stand behind it, I’m not doing anything but silently following along with it. If I stand beside it, I’m right there up front with it, setting my own pace with the same message. (Please say that makes sense to you. I told you I don’t have much creative drive today.)

If there’s anything I’ve learned at all from life is that everyone lives in their own world, they choose what they want to hear, they choose what they want to see and feel. Growing up in the town I have, I censored my thoughts and words and what I was willing to put up with.

And it was only until recently that I realized that all censoring does is hide from the truth.

So these days I try to walk into the day with an open mind. I listen to swear words without constantly interrupting with, “AHEM! School language!” If you censor your words, you are limiting your own sense of expression. If you censor other people’s words, they won’t ever tell you anything you’d like to maybe know.

In my drama class the other day we were talking about movies. (Where the Wild Things Are, in particular.) One girl was saying how she thought it was overall good, but some of it she maybe wouldn’t recommend for little kids to see. And then whe was saying the weird violent parts were a little more adult.

So I said that things like that truly happen to kids in real life. Maybe not the whisked-away-into-a-magical-world part, but the parts at home where the mother’s paying attention to her own life and the kid tries to get attention the only way he knows how: to bite her. And then she throws the kid off her and yells, crying, “YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL!”

If it really happens, in REAL LIFE, to KIDS, and if real life isn’t censored, why should this movie be?

What I’m trying to say is don’t be afraid to speak your mind, don’t be afraid to be yourself.

STAND OUT.

It isn’t always a bad thing.

Watch this video, too. It’s from the movie I Could Never Be Your Woman. And yes, that’s the girl from the City of Ember movie, one of my favourite books although the movie wasn’t quite as interesting. (Saoirse Ronan is a really good actress though.)

-NOW THIS IS STUFF I DIDN’T WRITE AGES AGO-

On a different note, do you want to know some wicked good news? All-time goodness?

THIS.

These are screenshots of the stats for my blog. If you don’t understand, it’s just a graph of how many people saw my blog on which days.

The good news is that I’ve broken a couple of personal bests- by a LONG SHOT. You see, my previous most-amount-of-page-views-in-one-month record was 52. That was back in June, the summer, when I had more time to write entries, and it was my first month at blogging.

This week alone I got 124 page views. The month’s page views are 184.

Maybe your blog gets a super-duper amount of page-views more, but you are not me. And me, I am incredibly happy with the page views I’ve got. Well, more and more and more couldn’t hurt, but what I’m trying to say is I am proud of every single one of those page views. I earned them all. 🙂

I am taking a first-aid course this weekend and it’s going pretty well.

But I suppose once he (the instructor) got talking about panic attacks and breathing problems I went pale because everything he was describing sounds disturbingly familiar. I just didn’t realize I had so many troubles with breathing until now. I’ve dealt with a lot of depression in my life and psychological trauma (shootings happening in my neighbourhood, being bullied non-stop through most of my elementary school career, and then in grade 6 I went through a very emotional disturbed state with all the bullying that I would Not remove my massive puffy blue winter coat indoors as a psychological shield, living through one attempted murder against me when I was as young as eleven, having to see a guidance counselor the year after… sorry for rambling) but when they explained it in that Charlie Bartlett movie it didn’t seem like the same issues I’d ever had.
But no, according to this first-aid instructor, I’d gone through this several times before. Like when I’d wake up in the middle of the night back when I was going through that grade 6 rough patch.
One time, I remember, a summer after grade 6 or in a closer-to-now year, I had a panic attack in one of the wee hours of the night when I was spending the night at my grandparents’ with my brother there too. I woke Mathew up first, explaining to him what I felt: cold sweat, difficult to breathe; and he suggested at first that it was nothing. And then I kept pestering him about it and he said to go tell Gramma if it was that big of a problem. So Mathew came with me and we told Gramma and she got me some hot chocolate and had me wear her fuzzy socks. I got to have a good talk with her and she explained she thought it was hormones/puberty. We had a bit of a conversation and Mathew went back to bed before me. Hot chocolate, fuzzy socks and talking to Gramma made everything better. (Buddy, you helped too.)

I guess stresses are definitely a part of growing up. Panic attacks just mean you’ve taken it to the extreme and should probably do something about it…

I’m glad I was at my grandparents’ when that happened because my mom would’ve thought I was being paranoid (as I often was those days- I don’t blame her) and gotten mad at me for waking her up. Once again- I don’t blame her. When you’ve just woken up out of a really good sleep I can see how you wouldn’t want to be disturbed. One time at pathfinder camp a girl woke me up in the middle of the night during a wicked rainstorm because she needed a buddy to walk to the outhouse with her. I told her to go pee on the tree or something. She did. I felt bad and apologized.
I think Gramma was on the computer or something before Mathew and I interrupted her. Lately I notice she emails us at awkward hours like 5-something AM. But I suppose when you’re retired you can sleep whenever you want. I can’t stay up that late because I once stayed up ‘til sunrise without noticing until the sun was out and had a panic attack. When I’m retired I think I might get up early and go to sleep early. Because dawns are more beautiful than sunsets, in my opinion. Not that I like it when I’m walking to the bus-stop in half-darkness. But you know, it’s nice and exciting if you’re waking up early for a field trip or something, then the dawning comes up like poetry to gives you a giant “GOOD MORNING!” and the feeling that something great is going to happen, and that every inch higher the sun rises is one more inch closer to your destination/field trip. Sorry, got rambling again.

But I’ve learned quite a bit of first-aid and by the end of tomorrow I’ll be certified to Save Someone’s Life. YAYA!

+ I saw How to Train Your Dragon yesterday night and it is my NEW FAVOURITE!!! 😀

SO yeah, life is awesomazing right now.

Grade 6 was brutal but I’m in Grade 10 now and I’m alright,

Alex Violet

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