whatever.

whatever. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Description:

To me, ugly wasn’t just my weight, it was just how my weight was distributed. It was my eyebrows being to thick. It was my face having too many zits. My neck too fat, my palms too sweaty. It was my lack of height and my lack of being blonde and my being the only one not in a black dress to my sixth grade graduation. (I wore a blue dress.) My lack of friends, my lack of status and my lack of swearing.
These days it’s my grades being less than perfect and my lack of social life beyond my small circle of friends. It’s my lack of people remembering who I am and my lack of talent, especially in math. It’s all the extra curriculars I’m participating in and lack of money and free time. It’s university. It’s high school. It’s now. It’s trying to keep up with the world. It’s politics. It’s breaking stereotype. It’s what everyone thinks about me and what everyone doesn’t.

But you know what? F it all. “If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and f the rest.”

You can’t be everyone’s perfect image.

Alex Violet

Maybe I’m scarred for life… or blessed with the truth. Pt. 2

-FAIR WARNING- THIS ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! THERE ARE DISTURBING PHOTOS BELOW

Notice I put pt. 1 on the previous post. (If you haven’t, check out part one or else you’ll be lost.)

That was because I wasn’t finished with my point(s) but still wanted to post something before pathfinders.

Later today, all those slides of the starved-to-death corpses still fresh in my mind, I was looking at some blogs I’m following.

One of them, is a blog about fashion. (For those of you that don’t know, I sort of have a passion for fashion.)

Obviously, where there’s fashion, there are models. And where there are models, there’s going to be eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia.

It occurred to me that THIS:

Is really not much different from THIS:

It’s just that one of them is more commonly known as art while the other is more commonly known as torture to the death.

I couldn’t look at the “art” one for very long since at first glance I immediately looked at those prominent ribcages and associated it with the other images.

So, being the Alex that I am, I wrote a sonnet about it. (#13) Here it is:

We are all guilty of the loving scare;
To build up on “I can do this” and “I’m not afraid.”
But is it really all that pretty when you’re loosing all your hair,
With your ribcage on display and your integrity frayed?
People following your path will reach a dead end.
Whether they fall far enough could save their life,
Yet you jump willing – like it’s a game of pretend.
You could yell, resist but run under the knife…
I can’t watch you do this, it’s suicide.
You mistrust and deny the true open mind;
You need more compassion than your lonely world will provide.
No one there has seen how real it gets when no one is kind:
The crisis and trenches and malnurished dead bodies.
When will you see that your life is worth no commodity?

I’ve got a lot going through my mind today from all this.

I personally, have never had any problems with eating disorders, but I’ve known of people to go through it. The worst I’ve had is eating too much junk food and becoming a bit of a hermit/couch potato. I try to work on getting outside more often and eating healthy now because I know I’ll feel better and I’ll thank myself later.

It isn’t about being thin or fat, it’s about being healthy, full of life.

“All that lives is holy.”

Life is beautiful.

In other news, I’m on page 62 (approximately) of the vampire novel I’m writing. I’ve told a couple of my new friends (!) about my story and one asked to read it and another promised to buy it when it’s published. 🙂

I’ve got a long way to go, but I can still sensing that dream within walking (running?) distance. I’m going to achieve it this time. I’ve got to.

Alex Violet