The Genderless Baby Debate: My Opinion
July 27, 2011
I’m still on hiatus (AKA mostly permanent leave of absense from this blog), but I had some thoughts about something I don’t feel like I could express anywhere else currently, seeing as I think here is the place I’ve ranted on about my opinions on “big” things the most.
If you don’t know about Storm Stoker, google can easily tell you their story. Storm is a baby being raised by their (I choose to use “their” instead of him/her because quite frankly, there are many more gender identities in the world than simply male or female and I feel it would be inadequate to try and force someone who may fall outside of that gender binary to fall into it) parents to be “genderless”. This means that they are keeping Storm’s biological sex secret with the exception of a few select people (Storm’s two brothers and some others- hey, that rhymes).
This story has been met with plenty of backlash (just read the comments on any of those articles google finds you). People have said that this child is being set up for teasing. People have said that this is just going to confuse Storm. People have said that this child is going to grow up to be the social construction of whatever their birth certificate says regardless and that this is just pointless and unnecessary.
I personally have done plenty of research and thinking about gender (pretty much every day) and it’s different expressions and identities and so on in the past several months since an anti-bullying PSA I was assigned back in February and the friends I was working with and I were talking about different reasons that someone may get bullied. Gender expression was one of them, and although we changed our PSA topic and made an anti-suicide/depression awareness video instead, I thought maybe, considering my dreams of becoming Prime Minister, I should educate myself on the diversity there is out there.
This is pretty much a mishmash of my thoughts on this news story. Please forgive any spelling errors and the fact that this isn’t really edited and being in point form.
– In defence of being set up to be called “it” or being teased- Storm’s parents aren’t raising the baby to feel as though they have to keep being genderless all of their life. Storm will choose when they feel ready who they feel that they are.
– Are you calling people who actually identify as genderless or neutrois or genderqueer or androgynous or people who were born intersex (commonly refered to as “hermaphrodites”) living social experiments? Would you call a person of a “minority” race a living social experiment? We are all individuals, and no human experience is the same- we are all, in our own way, different. We each have the oppourtunity to step out into the world every single day- who are you to say that one kind of different (which does not in fact hurt anyone unless you choose) is worse than another kind of different? And I’ve said so many times that all that should really matter about someone in regards of respect is the mere fact that we’re all earthlings- we breathe the same air and see the same sky and moon and stars. We know what it feels like to be alive, and we are all valid. We are human beings, and we should be treated with respect as such.
– Technically, by growing up in these gender binaries (male and female), we are living social experiments. Each generation challenges them more and more. There once was a time when women weren’t allowed to wear pants. Where it was considered the natural thing to do. Where women weren’t allowed to be dominant political or familial figures. And we are still living in a society where men can’t wear dresses (with the exception of kilts, and even then I’ve heard a fair bit of people in my own culture teasing that kilts are womanly) and where the clothes section of the store and the public bathrooms and the toys available with McDonald’s happy meals are segregated by gender. Even bicycles, and hats, which in principle have nothing to do with gender, are labeled “men’s” and “women’s”.
– “We are all born naked and the rest is just drag.” (Honestly I don’t know where I first heard this quote so apologies for lack of credit.) We weren’t born with makeup on our faces or a pair of boxers on our… well, parts. Who are you to say that the shape of someone’s genetalia should determine who they should be?
– Let’s imagine Storm is biologically female. If you are so confident with the idea that Storm will grow up preferring pink, liking to have long hair, a nurturer, or whatever else the picture of “girl” is that we’ve painted is- then why are you so afraid of being proven wrong? If Storm chooses that this is the image that best aligns with their picture of who they are, then Storm will choose this. And maybe you could be right. And Storm’s parents are open to whoever their child decides to be.
Let’s imagine Storm is biologically male. If you are so confident with the idea that Storm will grow up preferring blue, liking to have short hair, a provider, or whatever else the picture of “boy” is that we’ve painted is- then why are you so afraid of being proven wrong? If Storm chooses that this is the image that best aligns with their picture of who they are, then Storm will choose this. And maybe you could be right. And Storm’s parents are open to whoever their child decides to be.
Let’s imagine Storm’s gender identity falls beyond “male” or “female”. Let’s imagine that deep down, Storm feels as though they are honestly someone without a gender identity, or neutrois (gender-neutral), or androgynous (a combination of male and female), or bigender (sometimes feeling male, sometimes feeling female)? Or some other sort of gender-variant human being? Then Storm recieved the knowledge when they were young that it truly didn’t matter what gender you felt like deep down anyways, because Storm’s parents approved of whoever they would be.
– Setting up for confusion: no. What are we, trying to train children to “know their place”? This isn’t a world striving for gender equality if we need to tell children who they ought to be. They will feel in their hearts who they ought to be. It seems as though we’re being forced into “naturally” being some way, which contradicts the whole point of being what feels natural. If it’s what comes naturally, then why does anyone need telling what to do? Why are men and women directed to different bathrooms (when really, we’re all trying to relieve ourselves) and different clothes sections of the store (when really, we’re all just finding ways to cover ourselves and keep ourselves warm)? Why does it need verifying if it goes without saying?
– Storm’s parents aren’t taking away their child’s identity. They are giving their child the freedom to choose who they truly want to be. If we are truly this way (as in knowing a boy or a girl when you see one because of how they present themselves) naturally, then how come it’s society that has to paint our blank canvas for us when we are young and know no better? And why do relatives that don’t truly KNOW us as well as we do send us as girls barbie dolls from a young age and them as boys toy cars? Why was my brother given a GameBoy first, when I would have liked one just as much? (I realize that I have a couple of relatives that read this, so I’d just like to verify that if you’re going to buy me something insanely expensive for the next gift-giving holiday, a blackberry or a deposit for my post-secondary education would be awesome. Just sayin’.)
Each baby was brought into this world a blank canvas. Why are you keeping the paintbrush away from them?
Sincerely,
Alex Violet
Enter title here.
May 23, 2010
Simple day.
Slept in until about 10-something after staying up until 2 AM-ish to write in my journal.
(I wrote TWENTY pages of my journal, my record being NINE.)
Went on polyvore.
I plan to go play the Sims 3 after this, as I haven’t played it in a while.
Everything is all good.
That’s about it…
😛
I plan on finally getting around to writing more of my book tonight. (I try to stick to writing about vampires when it’s dark out. It’s just easier and I feel more free to write what I please when everyone’s asleep and there’s no chance they’ll walk past or get curious about what I’m spending so much time on. I don’t know why, but I really feel much more comfortable with letting my close friends read it than my family…) I planned on writing a lot last night but I spent that time writing in my journal and decided it was far to late to try to get my laptop all set up.
Yesterday Papa (grampa on Mother’s side) visited us and we all went to the Sears to get Mathew a suit for his Grade 6 graduation. (If you’re confused by him having a Grade 6 graduation, it’s because the elementary school we both went to in the neighbourhood only goes up to Grade 6.)
We’ve got pictures of him in his suit that I took from my phone.
So YEAH. Life is FANTABULOUS. Thank God my school week is over. Thank God it’s the Victoria Day weekend. Thank God school’s almost over. Thank God my exams can’t possibly be worse than last semester. Thank God I’M EXEMPT FROM THE HISTORY EXAM!!!! 😀 =D
Alex Violet
P. S.: 55 days.
WHASSUP!!!???? :D
May 21, 2010
I’ve put together a couple (okay, WAY more than that) things (“sets”) on polyvore that I wouldn’t mind sharing.
(Made today.)
I think I made that yesterday? No, I think today.
Made today. I’m pretty sure.
That one I did make yesterday. The picture’s from the movie The Secret Garden which is one of those movies I would watch over and over again when I was littler. I have the book, but I’m not very far. I sort of lost it, too…
“Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones…” by DinosaurMuffin featuring Darcy Miro For Unholy Matrimony bracelets
Dream by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com
(You’ve seen that one…)
ALIVE. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com
= me. by DinosaurMuffin featuring Marc Jacobs shoes
(That one was made to represent me.)
Look into this person’s irises; there are almost or exactly 50 pictures in varying sepia shades to make up the colour in her eyes. It took something like 3 hours…? I don’t know, this is an older one.
That one probably about the same time.
I don’t take credit for any of the individual pictures, photos, artwork in them, etc. because I’ve made them into a collage (type-thing) or whatever. It’s what polyvore is sort of about. (There are also tonnes of fashion sets on my polyvore account, but really, I didn’t think anyone would be interested in seeing them.) If you want to see more, (I skimmed over a couple of art sets and there are plenty of fashion sets) just click on DinosaurMuffin. (That’s my awesome username on polyvore. Way more a success at being random than brilliantbroccoli – my blog URL.)
I suppose a lot of drama has happened in my life this week but I don’t care enough to dwell on it anymore. I’ve written a little about it in my journal (I’m not done the journal entry) and that’s enough for me. What’s done is done and only for the better. Everybody makes mistakes and whatnot.
I got called down to the guidance councellor’s office (again) sometime (I think this week?) since a couple of my selected courses for next year have been cancelled since not enough people signed up.
Here’s what I was SUPPOSED to take (the ones that don’t have levels I can’t remember the levels of):
11 University English
11 University/College Math (they had me switch down from University last time I went into guidance)
11 Media Studies
11 Student Leadership (A Students’ Council only course, since it was basically getting course credit for being on the SC.)
11 Triology: Anthropology, Phsycology and whatever that third one is that escapes my mind at 11:43 PM on a Friday night.
11 University Physics
11 Physical Geography
11 University/College Art (highest level available seeing as I’m an artistic GENIUS. 😛 )
My backups were:
11 Drama
11 Art Store Course (I know that’s not the real name of the course, but it’s name escapes me right now and it’s more or less teaching you how to run a business in art: how to take inventory and such.)
BUT here’s the thing: the Media Studies got cancelled, much to my dismay. The Student Leadership course was cancelled aswell. The reason they called me down to have a chat instead of replacing those courses with both of my backups was because one of my backups was cancelled also. (Art Store was cancelled.)
So they switched me into Drama and I told them I’d do 11 (University?) World History from the 16th Century Onward. (Probably not the exact wording, but they’ve got something about it being from the 16th Century Onward in the title.) When we first were doing course selections, I remember panicking over which backups to sign up for, trying to decide between Art Store and World History. I’m really intrigued in history. The way I see it is that history is just like fictional stories you read or hear about, but it really happened and it happened, well, ages ago. And you could (or could’ve) met that person you’re reading about in that textbook or taking your picture by their statue. They were real and they lived life in the same world as you and I.
(I hope that makes any sense.)
Anyway, I’ve had a rough week with the exception of a school trip on Thursday to Toronto. We watched the play Romeo and Juliet at the Hart-something (Hartford?) Theatre on UOT campus. I absolutely adore how diverse Toronto is compared to my town. When I go walking in Toronto, you can see how different everyone is and realize that being different is normal in Toronto. You can be whoever the heck you want to be.
We were a half-hour late to the play (but somehow it didn’t start until we’d arrived) since our bus driver pulled the whole busload of anxious kids over at a rest stop (telling us not to get off the bus to go to Timmies’ or whatever) so he could have a little “smoke break.”
I said later about how unproffessional that was of him to an aquaintance. She told me I shouldn’t have such a negative view of people.
“I don’t have a negative view on people, just their actions sometimes bug me.”
“Hm. Food for thought.”
I took that as an invitation to keep talking. So I tried to (and failed) to explain my views on trust and mankind. (I don’t remember exactly what I said, but even I was confused by what I was saying, but it seemed she wanted to shoot down everything I was trying to say. It’s difficult to get someone who closes off their mind to other people’s opinions to understand. I have to admit, I am very stubborn when people try to change my views, but I still listen to them with an open mind and try my best to understand. Because understanding is the key to world peace. I wrote a very good explaination to why this is so last year in my geography class when we were working on spatial geography.)
Later, when I had my words together, I caught up with her when we were all walking back to the bus.
“I’m going to try to explain myself again if you don’t mind.”
She didn’t try to stop me, but still seemed reluctant.
“Do you know what unconditional love is?”
She mumbled something.
“Did you say ‘yup’ or ‘nope’?”
“No,” she replied.
“Okay, well you know how you love your family no matter-”
“No,” she interrupted.
“Well, can you imagine?”
A pause, and then, mostly mumbling, “Well, I can imagine, but-”
This time I interrupted her as she trailed off into unintelligible sounds again. “Well, what I’m trying to say is I have unconditional love for the entire human race.”
“I can’t understand that,” she muttered.
“I cannot hurt a single human being without feeling bad.”
“That I can understand.”
“… No matter what they’ve done to me or to someone else, I cannot not feel guilty about.”
“Well, I can’t say I agree with it-”
“Well, you know, all I ask for is an open mind. All I ask. You don’t have to agree with my views, you just have to respect them… I don’t have to agree with you at all but I have to respect you.” I should have added, ‘as a fellow human being’ at the end but I still think I got my message accross… in essence, at least.
We ate at a really good Thai food place that day and I tried dumplings for the first time in my life. They were FANTABULOUS. I LOVED them. It was really filling, too. I couldn’t finish it so I let my acquaintance eat some of the rest of my rice. Some of us had “ice cream” afterward when we were walking back to the place we were supposed to meet the teachers and the other students at a certain time. (You know those big blue freezer things in the corner stores with popsicles and Dibs and stuff in them? Well that was our “ice cream.” I had Dibs. It was a hot day so I enjoyed it.)
So yeah. That’s more or less what life’s been lately. I’d write more and more often but things have been kind of hectic lately… (and I’ve kind of been focussing too much time on Polyvore)
I haven’t been to a Students’ Council meeting in a while since I haven’t heard anything on the announcements about meetings in maybe a couple of weeks and neither the SC President or the teacher in charge has asked me in the halls, “Hey, [insert my SC nickname here which I’m leaving out because it’s derived from my last name], you coming to the meeting tonight/at lunch/today?”
They used to do that all the time.
The one time I waited outside of the Students’ Council room at lunch on a Monday (a couple weeks ago) the SC prez. came to the door and told me there was no meeting that day, but if I wanted to help cut out capes (yes, capes) to give away free for the upcoming Cape Day (yes, Cape Day) spirit day, I was welcome to.
So of course, I did. And I talked to people I wouldn’t normally, telling them how “All the cool kids wear capes!” I was so excited for Cape Day. I was going to get my Harry Potter fleece blankie and tie it around my neck. And then Cape Day finally came!
… and I forgot all about it until someone asked me where was my cape.
So upon suggestion of a friend I took my sweater off and tied it around my neck/shoulders by the sleeves. When the SC prez and a couple of her closer friends came around to count Spirit Day Participation, I asked them if I counted and one of them said, “Sure [insert my SC nickname which I am leaving out because it is derived from my last name]!” enthusiastically. We probably could’ve gotten a LOT more Spirit Day Participation points if more people knew that tying your sweater around your neck/shoulders could count.
But who really cares, anyway? We’re (somehow!?) ranking #6 on the “Home Form Cup Leaderboard” which hangs on the wall outside the SC room. (The “Home Form Cup” is where homeroom classes get points for spirit day participation and competitions for fund-raising or something else. We did a Winter Olympics thing while the actual Olympics was going on. I recall that the Accounting class beat a Gym class even though the majority of the events we cycled through were athletic events. I recall them getting cereal-box cardboard medals. The homeroom with the most points by the end of the semester gets a pizza party or a sub party or something of that nature.)
So. It’s 12:39 AM. I’ve been literally working on this blog entry non-stop since yesterday.
😛
Good night.
Alex Violet.
Dreaming.
May 16, 2010
Okay, so I made this thing on Polyvore today and I wanted to share. It’s sort of a picture with a whole lot of embellishments then a speech about all the stuff I’ll do with my life. (I’m copying and pasting the description.)
Today you think I’m the quiet one in the back of the classroom.
I was the “smart one” you never got to know.
I was “good at everything,” a good artist, a writer, and therfore good at all else.
But I really was good at art, and I loved to write.
I shocked you when you saw me in drama class.
I didn’t surprise you by being on the students’ council.
It blew your mind, though, that I was writing a novel.
A fifteen-year-old high school kid from a military town, wanting to write a novel. Ha! Imagine that.
No, wait. AND thinking it would get published. Now THAT’S humour.
But then it gets published.
And you read it just to see what the commotion’s all about.
You give up halfway through because the writing’s too deep for you.
You think it’s a load of crap.
You make fun of it for all your friends and act like you were my best friend back in the day when people ask you about me.
And then I start getting into politics.
You’re not completely surprised, since I was always a “smartie.”
But you always thought I’d be more of a math teacher.
Well, you know what?
I got a 52 in tenth grade math.
So shut up.
You thought I was the quietest person in the world; you even voted me “quietest” for the yearbook.
Well, you know what?
I got a 90% in ninth grade drama.
It wasn’t because I was really good at acting like someone I wasn’t, it was because I was good at relating to people.
There was always so many dimensions to my soul and so many different sides of me that you never understood.
And as I gain steam in politics, you vote for me because you doubt anyone else will.
Then I win the election.
I keep reaching higher, and I keep making bigger goals.
The funny thing is, I keep achieving them too.
And you think I’ve somehow cheated at life, you can’t believe I did all this.
As you sit there in awe, watching me being announced prime minister of Canada on television, you think to yourself, “How the hell did she do it?”
And you just can’t comprehend it.
So all you can think of to do is turn to the hundredth guy who promised to be with you forever, and say, “I knew her when,”
Because you saw my face when. You knew my name when. You knew the name of my school and for all I know or care, what street I lived on.
But the truth is, you still can’t figure it out.
You can’t figure out how I did all this, publishing books and leading the world, learning and dreaming while you were publishing “BOOOORRRREEEEEEDDDD.” a thousand times as your facebook status.
When you gave up on dreaming, when you decided these dreams were out of reach, you stopped reaching.
But I never stopped reaching.
I never cared how impossible you told me things were, because I knew and know the truth.
You can’t just sit there and wait for things to happen.
—
Alex Violet
Alex
The Insanely Awesomazing Life of Alex. 