WHASSUP!!!???? :D
May 21, 2010
I’ve put together a couple (okay, WAY more than that) things (“sets”) on polyvore that I wouldn’t mind sharing.
(Made today.)
I think I made that yesterday? No, I think today.
Made today. I’m pretty sure.
That one I did make yesterday. The picture’s from the movie The Secret Garden which is one of those movies I would watch over and over again when I was littler. I have the book, but I’m not very far. I sort of lost it, too…
“Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones…” by DinosaurMuffin featuring Darcy Miro For Unholy Matrimony bracelets
Dream by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com
(You’ve seen that one…)
ALIVE. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com
= me. by DinosaurMuffin featuring Marc Jacobs shoes
(That one was made to represent me.)
Look into this person’s irises; there are almost or exactly 50 pictures in varying sepia shades to make up the colour in her eyes. It took something like 3 hours…? I don’t know, this is an older one.
That one probably about the same time.
I don’t take credit for any of the individual pictures, photos, artwork in them, etc. because I’ve made them into a collage (type-thing) or whatever. It’s what polyvore is sort of about. (There are also tonnes of fashion sets on my polyvore account, but really, I didn’t think anyone would be interested in seeing them.) If you want to see more, (I skimmed over a couple of art sets and there are plenty of fashion sets) just click on DinosaurMuffin. (That’s my awesome username on polyvore. Way more a success at being random than brilliantbroccoli – my blog URL.)
I suppose a lot of drama has happened in my life this week but I don’t care enough to dwell on it anymore. I’ve written a little about it in my journal (I’m not done the journal entry) and that’s enough for me. What’s done is done and only for the better. Everybody makes mistakes and whatnot.
I got called down to the guidance councellor’s office (again) sometime (I think this week?) since a couple of my selected courses for next year have been cancelled since not enough people signed up.
Here’s what I was SUPPOSED to take (the ones that don’t have levels I can’t remember the levels of):
11 University English
11 University/College Math (they had me switch down from University last time I went into guidance)
11 Media Studies
11 Student Leadership (A Students’ Council only course, since it was basically getting course credit for being on the SC.)
11 Triology: Anthropology, Phsycology and whatever that third one is that escapes my mind at 11:43 PM on a Friday night.
11 University Physics
11 Physical Geography
11 University/College Art (highest level available seeing as I’m an artistic GENIUS. 😛 )
My backups were:
11 Drama
11 Art Store Course (I know that’s not the real name of the course, but it’s name escapes me right now and it’s more or less teaching you how to run a business in art: how to take inventory and such.)
BUT here’s the thing: the Media Studies got cancelled, much to my dismay. The Student Leadership course was cancelled aswell. The reason they called me down to have a chat instead of replacing those courses with both of my backups was because one of my backups was cancelled also. (Art Store was cancelled.)
So they switched me into Drama and I told them I’d do 11 (University?) World History from the 16th Century Onward. (Probably not the exact wording, but they’ve got something about it being from the 16th Century Onward in the title.) When we first were doing course selections, I remember panicking over which backups to sign up for, trying to decide between Art Store and World History. I’m really intrigued in history. The way I see it is that history is just like fictional stories you read or hear about, but it really happened and it happened, well, ages ago. And you could (or could’ve) met that person you’re reading about in that textbook or taking your picture by their statue. They were real and they lived life in the same world as you and I.
(I hope that makes any sense.)
Anyway, I’ve had a rough week with the exception of a school trip on Thursday to Toronto. We watched the play Romeo and Juliet at the Hart-something (Hartford?) Theatre on UOT campus. I absolutely adore how diverse Toronto is compared to my town. When I go walking in Toronto, you can see how different everyone is and realize that being different is normal in Toronto. You can be whoever the heck you want to be.
We were a half-hour late to the play (but somehow it didn’t start until we’d arrived) since our bus driver pulled the whole busload of anxious kids over at a rest stop (telling us not to get off the bus to go to Timmies’ or whatever) so he could have a little “smoke break.”
I said later about how unproffessional that was of him to an aquaintance. She told me I shouldn’t have such a negative view of people.
“I don’t have a negative view on people, just their actions sometimes bug me.”
“Hm. Food for thought.”
I took that as an invitation to keep talking. So I tried to (and failed) to explain my views on trust and mankind. (I don’t remember exactly what I said, but even I was confused by what I was saying, but it seemed she wanted to shoot down everything I was trying to say. It’s difficult to get someone who closes off their mind to other people’s opinions to understand. I have to admit, I am very stubborn when people try to change my views, but I still listen to them with an open mind and try my best to understand. Because understanding is the key to world peace. I wrote a very good explaination to why this is so last year in my geography class when we were working on spatial geography.)
Later, when I had my words together, I caught up with her when we were all walking back to the bus.
“I’m going to try to explain myself again if you don’t mind.”
She didn’t try to stop me, but still seemed reluctant.
“Do you know what unconditional love is?”
She mumbled something.
“Did you say ‘yup’ or ‘nope’?”
“No,” she replied.
“Okay, well you know how you love your family no matter-”
“No,” she interrupted.
“Well, can you imagine?”
A pause, and then, mostly mumbling, “Well, I can imagine, but-”
This time I interrupted her as she trailed off into unintelligible sounds again. “Well, what I’m trying to say is I have unconditional love for the entire human race.”
“I can’t understand that,” she muttered.
“I cannot hurt a single human being without feeling bad.”
“That I can understand.”
“… No matter what they’ve done to me or to someone else, I cannot not feel guilty about.”
“Well, I can’t say I agree with it-”
“Well, you know, all I ask for is an open mind. All I ask. You don’t have to agree with my views, you just have to respect them… I don’t have to agree with you at all but I have to respect you.” I should have added, ‘as a fellow human being’ at the end but I still think I got my message accross… in essence, at least.
We ate at a really good Thai food place that day and I tried dumplings for the first time in my life. They were FANTABULOUS. I LOVED them. It was really filling, too. I couldn’t finish it so I let my acquaintance eat some of the rest of my rice. Some of us had “ice cream” afterward when we were walking back to the place we were supposed to meet the teachers and the other students at a certain time. (You know those big blue freezer things in the corner stores with popsicles and Dibs and stuff in them? Well that was our “ice cream.” I had Dibs. It was a hot day so I enjoyed it.)
So yeah. That’s more or less what life’s been lately. I’d write more and more often but things have been kind of hectic lately… (and I’ve kind of been focussing too much time on Polyvore)
I haven’t been to a Students’ Council meeting in a while since I haven’t heard anything on the announcements about meetings in maybe a couple of weeks and neither the SC President or the teacher in charge has asked me in the halls, “Hey, [insert my SC nickname here which I’m leaving out because it’s derived from my last name], you coming to the meeting tonight/at lunch/today?”
They used to do that all the time.
The one time I waited outside of the Students’ Council room at lunch on a Monday (a couple weeks ago) the SC prez. came to the door and told me there was no meeting that day, but if I wanted to help cut out capes (yes, capes) to give away free for the upcoming Cape Day (yes, Cape Day) spirit day, I was welcome to.
So of course, I did. And I talked to people I wouldn’t normally, telling them how “All the cool kids wear capes!” I was so excited for Cape Day. I was going to get my Harry Potter fleece blankie and tie it around my neck. And then Cape Day finally came!
… and I forgot all about it until someone asked me where was my cape.
So upon suggestion of a friend I took my sweater off and tied it around my neck/shoulders by the sleeves. When the SC prez and a couple of her closer friends came around to count Spirit Day Participation, I asked them if I counted and one of them said, “Sure [insert my SC nickname which I am leaving out because it is derived from my last name]!” enthusiastically. We probably could’ve gotten a LOT more Spirit Day Participation points if more people knew that tying your sweater around your neck/shoulders could count.
But who really cares, anyway? We’re (somehow!?) ranking #6 on the “Home Form Cup Leaderboard” which hangs on the wall outside the SC room. (The “Home Form Cup” is where homeroom classes get points for spirit day participation and competitions for fund-raising or something else. We did a Winter Olympics thing while the actual Olympics was going on. I recall that the Accounting class beat a Gym class even though the majority of the events we cycled through were athletic events. I recall them getting cereal-box cardboard medals. The homeroom with the most points by the end of the semester gets a pizza party or a sub party or something of that nature.)
So. It’s 12:39 AM. I’ve been literally working on this blog entry non-stop since yesterday.
😛
Good night.
Alex Violet.
I KNOW IT’S MIDNIGHT. BUT I GOT MY REPORT CARD TODAY.
April 28, 2010
Subject – My Mark – Class Average
English – 75% – 65%
Drama – 77% – 68%
Visual Arts – 83% – 75%
Canadian History – 79% – 72%
Not as far above class average as I thought but whatever. I got a test back from history yesterday and I got 84%. That’s got to bring my mark up to at least an 80%, right? I get an 80% = I get exempt from the exam = I win. At life.
My overall average is 78.5% which is a wonderful improvement. Last semester my overall final average was something like 68%. But I blame mathematics.
Alex Violet
So many thoughts flitting through my mind that I don’t fully know what to do with them.
April 26, 2010
Note written long after this entry was: I’ve noticed that people often find themselves at my blog through this entry, usually because they’ve searched up something about having a lot on their mind. In this entry, I’m mainly talking about what’s been on my mind, and that I wrote some poems about it all. I’m not explaining in the actual entry what to do if you’ve got a lot on your mind, so I figure I should give you the advice here separately:
If you’ve got something on your mind, then let it out. Everyone says that, but it doesn’t have to mean confiding in a friend or family or whatever. Sometimes I write poems but I tend to journal things these days. Other times I rant in front of the mirror when nobody’s home.
I read somewhere once that if you’ve got a regret that you just can’t get over, then you should write it down on paper and then file it or something. Apparently it makes you feel that you’re done with the thought or whatever. Honestly, my version of this would be to write it down on a scrap piece of old math homework or something, scrunch it all up, throw it onto the floor, put on some heavy footwear, stomp on it and twist your feet, throw it at the wall or rip it up several times, and then finally straighten it out and put it through a shredder.
Because really, who doesn’t love shredders?
You could also try running it over with a vehicle. That would be cool.
If all else fails, tell yourself outloud that fate did not choose for you to regret this. There are important things in life, right within reach, and you can’t get to them with something as insignificant as a regret blocking your way.
If you choose to go the way of the journal or diary, then be sure to not hold back from letting it all out. Don’t think about what you’re writing, write about what you’re thinking. Proper grammar, punctuation and spelling doesn’t matter if no one else is going to read it. It doesn’t even matter if you think it would make sense to anyone else, it doesn’t even matter if it makes sense to you. Get it all off your chest. “Paper is more patient than people,” as Anne Frank said.
If it’s a problem of some kind, you might want to read it over, and try to think of it from the point of view of somebody reasonable that has nothing to do with you. Maybe you’ll be able to think of a solution that way. But then again maybe not.
If you can’t sleep, then think of the problem as something to be tackled in the morning. If procrastinating it is the reason you can’t sleep, maybe plan how you’re going to tackle it while your eyes are closed and you’re lying down trying to sleep.
I find that normally if I overthink things before I go to sleep, I have a hard time sleeping because of everything that’s going on in my mind. I’m trying to drift off into dreams, but it takes a conscious mind to consider those types of things.
I once went through a phase where my life felt so horrible and I was so depressed about it all the time. My life sucked, so I decided to live through someone else’s through reading it. (Stories that were in first person were always my favourites because of how real they felt.) Friends in books were always there when nobody else was and I relied on them so heavily. And if I didn’t like how their life was turning out, then I’d write about my own, made-up characters, sometimes with lives better than mine so I could live like them in my imagination. Other times I’d write about people with the same problems as me and all the things they did about them, and all the people that helped them. By writing about these pretend people that were so real to me, I was empowered. I felt what they felt and got to live out more than just my life.
I hope I helped in some way, and I’m sincerely sorry if I didn’t. Just know that I can relate to having so many thoughts on my mind like the title here says. And now for the real entry which I wrote a while back:
—
So I wrote some poems. (Not sonnets, this time. Just poems.) You know how I’ve been getting a little darker with my poetry lately? Well, I went to the holocaust museum today on a school field trip. So that, of course, gave me a whole other round of things to think about. “In this head my thoughts are deep/ sometimes I can’t even speak…” (the song My World by Avril Lavigne. This is exactly how I feel right now…)
POEM #1 – Alex Violet
Torn from your home, a crying dove,
You tried to listen for the God above.
They shot and lied,
You hoped and cried.
They forced you into the gates of hell.
You watched the dearest suffer, you watched as they fell.
No gunshot’s as strong as love’s pull
And you can’t leave ’til the elevator’s full.
The innocent scream and grasp for life,
Yet the world outside’s blind to all strife.
Another teardrop
In wish it’ll just stop…
The pounding, the poison, the starvation,
Clawing away from his gravitation…
Why’d they do this to you, my loves?
Is it because they’d never heard the doves?
Do they know what it’s like to breathe the fresh air?
Have they ever been hugged, do they know what’s fair?
What’d it be like? To never see a butterfly again?
If the world could end, he’d just say when.
You cry all you want but never get heard.
It’s quite a shame they listen to his every word.
This isn’t a different species, this is humanity!
I can’t sit here any longer and listen to your insanity.
POEM #2 [Blunt] – Alex Violet
You’re idiots for how wrong you can be
About somebody’s destiny.
There’s the being and there’s the soul.
Which one really is the troll?
Greusome beginning or greusome end;
It’s an outright lie or it’s just pretend.
Tears and laughter: one or the other,
Now or later – you know you can’t control weather.
Now and again you’ll have doubts,
But it’s your character that shrugs and pouts.
You can weep and surrender,
Or stand up and defend her.
Plain as tears,
Frightening as fears.
That’s the way of life;
Hold on to humanity in the midst of strife.
POEM #3 – Alex Violet
Don’t you get it? Simplicity doesn’t exist anymore,
It left with the world made entirely of folklore.
As long as we’ve known the ages
Even those you call sages
Dictate the answers to the instinctive mind.
Only the strong-willed and cynical dare to find
The next “solution” be it good or bad.
There’ll always be those that think the bold are mad,
And the ones gullible and weak
Who hide in the shadows each day of the week…
I’ve got to admit that the first one is sort of like a couple of songs I know (Cheese, “crying doves” what do you think that song is? When the doves cry? What about “God above”? Hallelujah?) and the lower ones could apply to anything. Poem #1 is more holocaust-specific (The “he” I was refering to was Hitler) while Poem #2 is about life in general (please know that it’s not actually fully my views on life and humanity; I’m a lot more optimistic, or so I like to think) and Poem #3 is about dictatorship/tradition/reality/ideas in general, new and old/acceptance/”solutions”/etc.
I got up at 5 AM today and my eyes are burning though it’s like, 9. I feel like I’m going to pass out but I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep with all these thoughts running through my head. I heard all these stories about heros and traitors during WWII and I can’t help but wonder if I truly would end up being the hero I assume I’d be. What if I’d been raised in a family, community, and country that taught/BRAINWASHED that this, of all animalistic judgement was supposedly “right,” would I be clever enough to question it? I mean, I think I would, but would I make a show of it? Would I TRULY sacrafice my life for those of 2, 500? I’ve always been vain enough to think my life is more valuable than somebody’s. “I’m going somewhere in my life.” It’s the reason I don’t give up right here, right now, in high school. I feel like I was made for a greater purpose. (Greater purpose=benefitting the world in some largely significant way.) Would I risk my life, confident that this was what I was meant to be risking my life for? Now that I think about it, I suppose so. The oppourtunity to save thousands of lives comes up, you can’t afford to turn it down, no matter what anyone says. The oppourtunity came up for a reason… right? I think I would be a hero. But maybe one of those heroes that never got caught and maybe wasn’t so known about. Which would be fine by me, since I would have done all that I could as well as I could. As long as I had that satisfaction.
What I learned today: It’s not WHAT you learn, it’s how you’re taught to learn. (i.e. You could take your information and memorize it; or you could take your information, think it over thoroughly, and come up with some sort of opinion on it. If you have the power to think something over, you have the power to stop it from happening.)
Anyway, like I said, I got up at 5 AM and I basically feel like crap right now.
I didn’t sleep on the bus either since I got an aisle seat. Instead, I read the whole time. I’m halfway through Twenties Girl now. I started it on Saturday when Daddy bought it for me from the Costco. I also got The Reckoning while I was there. (Finally lent The Summoning to my friend who wants to be called Kira on this blog. She’s been waiting for me to find it in the rubble that is my room for months now.)
So like I said, I feel basically like crap now.
And I still have an English assignment to do.
So goodbye.
Alex Violet
PS Maybe I’m not so speechless as I was in the hour I spend laying on my bed, hugging my pillow and staring blankly into space like I was before I decided to put the poems here on my blog.
They pray at the city council meetings in my city.
April 20, 2010
You know how I’m the secretary for the Youth Advisory Council for my city? You know how that means I’ve got to type up “minutes” and e-mail them to the head dude in time for the next meeting?
Well, I don’t remember if I blogged about it (I probably didn’t) but the authorities on the YAC had made me two templates for writing minutes before they were satisfied with my work.
I have a meeting tomorrow right after school (not even kidding- school ends at 2:30 and I have to get home, grab my YAC binder + writing utensil and head to the city hall for 3:30) and as usual it’s 10:23 PM the night before and when I’m supposed to be finishing up minutes, I’m blogging.
What really happened was I’d begun minutes and decided to finally get around to Googling what real “minutes” are supposed to look like and found my city’s minutes. I scroll down a bit and the format is obviously different but not by much. (IRRELEVANT.)
Anyway, I come accross a heading that says “opening.” It’s got the expected stuff- O’ Canada, etc. And then all of a sudden it says something “prayer.”
I don’t know what to think of this.
I personally don’t object to it; we pray during ‘opening’ at pathfinder meetings, too. But before we begin that tradition each year, everyone is asked if they’re okay with that, or if they have any religious objections or whatever. So far no one’s objected to going along with the prayer, even though I know one of them doesn’t believe in God.
But I’m not sure your religion should affect your politics so much as to pray for each meeting. I mean, Canada is a place that is absolutely rich with various cultures and religion. (Maybe not SPECIFICALLY my town, but I still think it’s reasonably diverse.)
If your government can only represent those that have someone to pray to, then really, are they representing Canada, or are they representing their religion?
And not to mention what it looks like. Oh, yeah, “Our city’s terrible- even the polititians are praying we’ll get out of this mess.” or, “Our polititians are sinners, begging for forgiveness!” “This person thinks (s)he’ll look important if they ‘find God’.”
On the other hand again, don’t you have every right to pray before one of these meetings if you want to? (“I don’t have to agree with you, I just have to respect you.”) Maybe they give you the option to sit out. I don’t know; I’ve never been to one of these meetings.
I don’t attend church (or other place of worship) on a regular basis and I suppose I’m not really affiliated with any organized religion. I just think a lot and decide what I think I believe or what I think is probable. (I only do this because I wonder about things.)
But I still haven’t figured out how I completely feel about this whole praying-at-city-hall-meetings thing yet.
Or maybe this is one of those things I’ll never be able to figure out how I feel about it. I’m so used to being the type to have strong, definite opinions about something, and then this comes along…
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE: I sort of crashed our family computer so my mom and brother hooked the internet up to my laptop. And mid-terms are coming out soon and this is what I know I’ve got:
Academic English: 75% (Nearly 20% above class average)
Drama: 74% (12% above class average)
Art: 84% (2nd highest mark in the class- the only one higher is 88% by a girl who’s taken gr. 11 art last year and took gr. 10 art this year because it was the only class that wasn’t full)
History: 79% (Also significantly above class average, I’m pretty sure at least 10%. 1% above my best friend in this class who always brags about knowing so much about WWI because she’s “military family”. Also, I need 80% to be exempt from the exam and I have a test tomorrow.)
Alex Violet
Alex
The Insanely Awesomazing Life of Alex. 