Dreaming.

Okay, so I made this thing on Polyvore today and I wanted to share. It’s sort of a picture with a whole lot of embellishments then a speech about all the stuff I’ll do with my life. (I’m copying and pasting the description.)

Untitled by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Today you think I’m the quiet one in the back of the classroom.
I was the “smart one” you never got to know.
I was “good at everything,” a good artist, a writer, and therfore good at all else.
But I really was good at art, and I loved to write.
I shocked you when you saw me in drama class.
I didn’t surprise you by being on the students’ council.
It blew your mind, though, that I was writing a novel.
A fifteen-year-old high school kid from a military town, wanting to write a novel. Ha! Imagine that.
No, wait. AND thinking it would get published. Now THAT’S humour.
But then it gets published.
And you read it just to see what the commotion’s all about.
You give up halfway through because the writing’s too deep for you.
You think it’s a load of crap.
You make fun of it for all your friends and act like you were my best friend back in the day when people ask you about me.
And then I start getting into politics.
You’re not completely surprised, since I was always a “smartie.”
But you always thought I’d be more of a math teacher.
Well, you know what?
I got a 52 in tenth grade math.
So shut up.
You thought I was the quietest person in the world; you even voted me “quietest” for the yearbook.
Well, you know what?
I got a 90% in ninth grade drama.
It wasn’t because I was really good at acting like someone I wasn’t, it was because I was good at relating to people.
There was always so many dimensions to my soul and so many different sides of me that you never understood.
And as I gain steam in politics, you vote for me because you doubt anyone else will.
Then I win the election.
I keep reaching higher, and I keep making bigger goals.
The funny thing is, I keep achieving them too.
And you think I’ve somehow cheated at life, you can’t believe I did all this.
As you sit there in awe, watching me being announced prime minister of Canada on television, you think to yourself, “How the hell did she do it?”
And you just can’t comprehend it.
So all you can think of to do is turn to the hundredth guy who promised to be with you forever, and say, “I knew her when,”
Because you saw my face when. You knew my name when. You knew the name of my school and for all I know or care, what street I lived on.
But the truth is, you still can’t figure it out.
You can’t figure out how I did all this, publishing books and leading the world, learning and dreaming while you were publishing “BOOOORRRREEEEEEDDDD.” a thousand times as your facebook status.
When you gave up on dreaming, when you decided these dreams were out of reach, you stopped reaching.
But I never stopped reaching.
I never cared how impossible you told me things were, because I knew and know the truth.

You can’t just sit there and wait for things to happen.

—

Alex Violet

What if… (and stuff)

Alright, maybe this is random, but I was reading over my previous blog post today about my happy place and I thought of something. One of those “what if…” somethings.

What if everything – humanity, life, Earth, our universe, the galaxy, all the constellations, the stars, the possibility… the ‘dark matter’ and all beyond that… what if it’s contained in this giant ball? What if everything we know of is contained inside somebody else’s much larger planet?

Sorry for the lack of elaboration and detail.

In my science class last year we talked about atoms. (Because that’s what you do in science.) One kid said he believed that the universe was a giant atom. Once he said it I thought immediately, why not? The structure of an atom isn’t all that different from the structure of our solar system… there’s the nucleus/sun and the planets/protons/electrons revolving around it.

What if infinite is not so much a concept of space going on forever, but of all these different dimensions going on forever?

Atoms within atoms…

I saw something at the beggining of a Simpsons episode like that.

Yeah, like that. I’m sure some genius already came up with that theory but all I’m saying is it makes sense… doesn’t it? It can’t be proven wrong and it can’t be proven right… yet. So why not?

I’ve got to get up early tomorrow morning to go sell Girl Guide cookies at the Sears with pathfinders. I know that Brianna will be going to the morning shift but I’m not sure who else. After that, my Daddy is picking me up with Buddy and we’re going to spend the rest of the weekend together.

I’m so excited. Pretty much all week I’ve been jumping up and down out of nowhere telling my friends, “MY DADDY IS COMING THIS WEEKEND.”

“I know, you already told me.”

So yeah.

And I walked home from school today with Smiley (BFF) who I haven’t talked to all that much since the March break, really. She told me she’s been helping out with this thing for Haiti at lunch (she told me on Wednesday, I think) so I decided to go with her to help out when I have the time. (So of course that only means two days of the week: Thursdays and Fridays.) On this walk home I expected we would catch up on lost talking time but no, not really. I tried to make conversation but it = failed attempts at the start.

The thing is, I pretty much tell Smiley everything. Every memory I have, every opinion I have, every thought that passes through my mind. Smiley knows ALL. So often when I try to say something to make conversation, I always get,

“I know, you already told me.”

I absolutely loathe it when conversation runs dry. And so after plenty of awkward silence I said, “What’s with all this me talking and you replying with, like, two-word answers?”

“Because… I’m awesome.”

“Okay, three words doesn’t really make a difference.”

-Silence as we walk on further.-

“Hey have I told you about the vampire story I’m working on?”

“Not much.”

“Do you want to hear about it?”

“Couldn’t hurt.”

So in order to extend conversation, I explain EVERY detail that I remember, only cutting back to summarize insignificant parts. I tell her who said what when and point out how much manners a character has and why and how they grew up and all they remember of their life.

I’ve got until something like the fifth scene in (which’s maybe half what I have so far, more or less; I have 67 pages written so far) when we get close to her place (I’ve always lived farthest from any of my schools than all my friends) she asks if I’m thirsty or anything.

“Yes, I’ve been talking all this time, my throat’s getting sore.”

And so we get to her place and she offers me a water bottle from the fridge and I say thank you. She says my story seems really interesting so far. I say if she’d like to read it, I could put an updated copy on my memory stick (those USB things, whatever) and lend it to her after J. (yes, my friend from yoga club) has given it back. (J. wanted to read my story but I think she got bored after the first scene and is too kind to admit it. She tried giving back the memory stick after a few days and I said, “Well, aren’t you finished it?” “Well, no.” And then I said she could keep it until she finished it if she wanted. So without enthusiasm she put it back in her pocket. I asked her later -as in a week later- if she’d been reading it and what she thought of it. She slowly admitted she honestly hadn’t read any more of it since.)

Well, there’s going to be the odd person who doesn’t so much like my story. But what the hell. I do. SOMEBODY else has to. So who cares?

So yeah. That’s life.

OH YEAH. And I’m going on a feild trip on Monday with History. Yeah. Have to be at school by a quarter to seven. (!) Getting a ride with Smiley since she’s going on the trip too but with her class. I’ve got so many assignments due Monday but thank goodness no one told the teachers there’s going to be a trip that day so we’ll have to be a day late. (They usually make you hand it in early if you tell them.)

So yeah. THAT’S the insanely awesomazing life of ME.

Alex Violet

Yoga Club + Something Humorous.

Today I had yoga club after school. I went to the meeting last week, but this time my friend J. came too.

We did yoga from a video this time and the person on the TV (Yoga for Dummies video) told us what to do instead of the teacher in charge. I liked it better when the teacher was in charge.

We did these “daily dozen” poses and the last one the teacher stopped the video at. We were all lying down in a comfortable position on our yoga mats (well, J. and I had towels which the teacher said works just as well) with our eyes closed and our heads all perfectly alligned with our spine and all that awesomeness.

The teacher put on this music which sounded Japanese (I think, I’m not sure) and then sat down and softly told us to relax and focus on our breathing and stuff.

Her voice was nice compared to the lady in the video because the lady in the video has a much more disruptive voice compared to the yoga club teacher’s who has a very quiet voice. It was easier to relax.

Last week when I was told to focus on my breathing, I wasn’t very successful. There’s something about when I focus on my breathing that it suddenly seems to go jagged or something. Or I get paranoid or whatever. So this time I tried to find my Happy Place and focus on that instead.

I always wanted a happy place but it wasn’t until today that I actually feel like I’ve found it. It’s in this comfortable place at the edge of infinite, staring off into our universe. There’s stars everywhere and they are more plentiful than the stars I usually see in the sky but they glowed just as bright, like little pieces of heaven trying to peek through the dark unknown of the neverending sky. The universe is so small and distant that I can barely see Earth.

I like it because when you’re that far from the world and all its troubles, you’re finally at peace with something. And that something just so happens to be a greater picture…

Whoa. That’s deep.

It’s late.

I’m tired and relaxed thinking about my happy place, so I’ll get back to you on the humorous thingermabob.

‘Night,

Alex Violet

All I want is peace.

I’ve been feeling a little emotional over the past couple days. (View my posts from yesterday, part one and part two.)

So I was listening today to How to Save a Life by the Fray (the version with snippets of people’s voices reacting to the 9/11. I decided to watch some videos on YouTube with that song played to scenes and photos from the 9/11. (There are lots.)

Of course, I cried a bit.

Not as bad as yesterday with the lady at the assembly.

But it was still sad.

I looked at some pictures of people protesting against war and things like that over flickr and got a little upset.

It seems the gist of what these people in reaction are saying is that:

“This is the United States, as Americans, we need to be civil. War is never the answer.”

Damn right, war is never the answer. But being American shouldn’t be your excuse to be peaceful to others; you should be peaceful because the people you’re warring against are just like you.

They live, they breathe, they feel, they listen, they see, they cry, they’ve seen the same sun and the same moon and the same stars and sky as you.

They live on this earth, just like you.

They are human, just like you.

They feel pain, just like you.

You should say, rather than “These things just aren’t supposed to happen in America,” you should say, “These things just aren’t supposed to happen on Earth.”

We should be civil and peaceful as representatives of the whole beautiful and trecherous world, not just our race or religion or nation.

When the world trade centre was knocked down, it wasn’t just a knock to the United States, it was a knock to the world.

You shouldn’t do things just because as a person from whatever country (or with whatever race or religion) and say “That’s just what people like me do.”

No, you should do things because you feel in your heart and mind and soul (if you believe in souls) with everything you know and have experienced as a human being, that what you choose to do is the right thing.

Not just because someone told you that it’s right.

Especially if you’re just picking that choice or candidate (or whatever) because that’s what everyone else is choosing and you’re too lazy to think for yourself.

Now I’m not telling you to not listen to anyone else. I’m not telling you to close your mind.

I’m telling you to open your mind, open your eyes, and open your heart.

I’m not telling you to go against something just to assert your independence, either. I’m just telling you that you should only do something if you in your heart/mind feel/know that what you’re doing is right.

And if you do truly feel/know that it’s right, then you should do something, take action, follow a dream or something.

Make a blog. 😛

I know I’m being awfully contradictory/hypocritical by saying “you should” continuously, but I’m sorry. (I don’t know how else to word what I’m trying to say properly.)

I’m just trying to open some minds.

And maybe I should feel empowered by writing all this, but to be honest with you, I feel miserable. But that may just be since I feel ostrasized.

Somedays it feels like the world is made by Americans, for Americans.

Well, not everyone is American. (And I’m not saying all Americans are selfish and ostrasizing either.)

Minority matters, minorities are worth mentioning. And for crying out loud, other majorities, too.

I’m Canadian. As much as I love being Canadian, (and I truly do) I am also a human being, a citizen of this earth. So I feel in my heart and soul and mind that I should treat everyone I meet as such.

But every time I’m reading a magazine (sold and bought in Canada) and it offers an exciting contest, only to discover it’s only open to American citizens, you’ve got to understand why I can’t help feeling disappointed, left out. If you’re going to exclude me, at least don’t rub it in my face.

I keep coming back to, “We’re all citizens of the Earth.”

But really, the more I consider these words and the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s true.

It shouldn’t matter who you are, all that should matter is that you’ve lived on this earth, and that, at least, we have in common.

Even if you just so happen to be an alien (lol) we’ve all had the experience of being alive, right? And we all have some grasp of how life works, maybe just our version of life, but still.

Knowing only about your life doesn’t give you the right to be selfish to others, does it?

Once you make an effort to understand someone, to walk a while in their shoes, you’ll realize their true intentions aren’t as harsh as they seem.

If everyone made an effort to understand each other, where we’re all coming from, than world peace would be a lot easier to achieve.

Less people would blow things out of proportion if they know the real size of the situation.

At least, that’s the way I see it.

Have a nice day,

Alex Violet