Dreaming.

Okay, so I made this thing on Polyvore today and I wanted to share. It’s sort of a picture with a whole lot of embellishments then a speech about all the stuff I’ll do with my life. (I’m copying and pasting the description.)

Untitled by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Today you think I’m the quiet one in the back of the classroom.
I was the “smart one” you never got to know.
I was “good at everything,” a good artist, a writer, and therfore good at all else.
But I really was good at art, and I loved to write.
I shocked you when you saw me in drama class.
I didn’t surprise you by being on the students’ council.
It blew your mind, though, that I was writing a novel.
A fifteen-year-old high school kid from a military town, wanting to write a novel. Ha! Imagine that.
No, wait. AND thinking it would get published. Now THAT’S humour.
But then it gets published.
And you read it just to see what the commotion’s all about.
You give up halfway through because the writing’s too deep for you.
You think it’s a load of crap.
You make fun of it for all your friends and act like you were my best friend back in the day when people ask you about me.
And then I start getting into politics.
You’re not completely surprised, since I was always a “smartie.”
But you always thought I’d be more of a math teacher.
Well, you know what?
I got a 52 in tenth grade math.
So shut up.
You thought I was the quietest person in the world; you even voted me “quietest” for the yearbook.
Well, you know what?
I got a 90% in ninth grade drama.
It wasn’t because I was really good at acting like someone I wasn’t, it was because I was good at relating to people.
There was always so many dimensions to my soul and so many different sides of me that you never understood.
And as I gain steam in politics, you vote for me because you doubt anyone else will.
Then I win the election.
I keep reaching higher, and I keep making bigger goals.
The funny thing is, I keep achieving them too.
And you think I’ve somehow cheated at life, you can’t believe I did all this.
As you sit there in awe, watching me being announced prime minister of Canada on television, you think to yourself, “How the hell did she do it?”
And you just can’t comprehend it.
So all you can think of to do is turn to the hundredth guy who promised to be with you forever, and say, “I knew her when,”
Because you saw my face when. You knew my name when. You knew the name of my school and for all I know or care, what street I lived on.
But the truth is, you still can’t figure it out.
You can’t figure out how I did all this, publishing books and leading the world, learning and dreaming while you were publishing “BOOOORRRREEEEEEDDDD.” a thousand times as your facebook status.
When you gave up on dreaming, when you decided these dreams were out of reach, you stopped reaching.
But I never stopped reaching.
I never cared how impossible you told me things were, because I knew and know the truth.

You can’t just sit there and wait for things to happen.

—

Alex Violet

Inventory

You know those YouTube videos entitled, “What’s in my bag/purse”? Well I sorta always wanted to make one of those videos, but I’d have a couple of obstacles to face if I was going to make a YouTube video today.

So I’m going to make a list. If you don’t want to read it, then don’t. I know it’s not my most thought-provoking entry, but It’s 1:05 PM as I type this. I only woke up about 2 and a half hours ago. Nothing really pivotal has happened yet today.

What’s in my purse

My purse is: Purple cuordoroy Levi’s thing I got as a gift the second time I went out west. (So like, Christmas/My birthday 2007.)
Has 2 side pockets w/o zippers;
2 frontmost pockets each the size of a stickynotepad w/velcro fascenings;
1 front zipper pocket behind the frontmost pockets large enough to fit a smallish novel or journal;
And the main section where everything larger and/or important is supposed to be kept is large enough for several books and/or journals and has a little secret compartment off the side.
All pockets are lined with a pretty sweet floral-y sorta pattern.
The straps are like this beige-canvas thing with cuordoroy on the other side.

What’s in it:
[Main part:]
A small handfull of peanut-butter M&Ms in a plastic bulkbarn bag.
Book: Story Time by Edward Bloor. (It’s about some kids at an evil boarding school.)
My texty-messaging phone. (Green, Virgin Mobile, Pay-as-you-go, Slides-in-slides-out)
My Pathfinder program book. (314 pages, spiral-bound, cover is about the size of an ordinary photograph, (c) 2006)
Berry-scented baby-sized hand sanitizer
iPod (purple, 16 GB, nanochromatic, 466 songs- many of which I don’t know, 333 photos- majority of which I took, got a couple Christmases ago)
An outdated Coffee News (Feb 15, 2010)
A huge-o-normus hair clip
A broken pink pencil crayon
A yellow eraseable pencil crayon
A little card that must’ve come with one of my Christmas presents
Another little thing of M&Ms.
A blue-with-white-peacock-feather-pattern makeup bag.
A silver comb that should be in the makeup bag.

[Makeup bag:]
Hair clamp thing
Smaller blue makeup bag
I used to have sunglasses in here but they seem to have disappeared…

[Smaller blue makeup bag:]
Grape lip balm (Wal-Mart)
Concealer (Avon, I don’t really use it though)
Mascara (Avon)
‘ColorTrend: Chocolate Drop Lip Gloss’ (Avon, it’s the squirty kind)
Peaches & Cream lip balm (Wal-Mart, it came with the grape)

[Left side pocket:]
Pink and black USB memory stick I got Christmas 2007

[Right side pocket:]
Stickynotes (pink & yellow)

[Front pocket:]
A sheet with campfire song lyrics on it
A napkin from Papa John’s pizza
Chocolate wrapper
A blue program-guide sheet from Olympic Night @ Buddy’s school
A list of compliments towards myself for when I’m feeling down
Nail files that look like a match book (Avon)
3 Nintendo DS games (Theme Park, Sims 2, Nintendogs: My dogs are Goldie, Georgie, Confetti, plus I have 2 dogs in the dog hotel thing)
A purple pen

-hold on, I need to eat my kraft dinner-

-better :)-

[Left frontmost pocket:]
Green scrunchy w/ beads my Aunt lent me
Buddy’s iPod shuffle
Some snowflake earrings

[Right frontmost pocket:]
Empty.

[Secret pocket:]
Empty.
PHSYC. It actually has my plans of world domination. Nah! I gotcha again.

Hey, do you want to know what books I keep on the shelf beside my bed?

TOP SHELF, FROM LEFT TO RIGHT:
Little black dress journal from Gramma (Mother’s side)
Kimono journal from Gramma (Mother’s side)
The Gypsy Crown by Kate Forsyth
The Secret Life of Sparrow Delaney by Suzanne Harper
The Explosionist by Jenny Davidson
The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan
Just Ella by Margaret Peterson Haddix
Double Identity by Margaret Peterson Haddix
My Ecojot sketchbook which I’ve been using as an art journal
My journal which I use for sonnets from Oma (step-grandmother)
Tales of a Reluctant Phsycic by Carol Matas*
Distant Waves by Suzanne Weyn

SECOND SHELF, NO PARTICULAR ORDER, NOT JUST BOOKS:
Titan’s Curse by Rick Riordan
My Ecojot journal for lists (to-do and otherwise)
My box for electronic stuff (it’s like a shoebox that has my Nintendo DS and various cables to charge my iPod & laptop & such)
A bottle of shea butter ‘cuz my hands get dry
A wad of mostly blank papers and Q cards
A jar of momentos (a leaf from that early October day, a ticket to some medieval show yrs. ago, collectable coins, etc.)
A broken booklight

I saw 2012 last night. It was a good movie. Far better than ‘Knowing’. Loved the suspense and how if they had to kill off a character, there was minimal gore. I won’t spoil it anymore.

Alex Violet

Nostalgic Rainy Days

Today is a nostalgic rainy day.

I went to the mall briefly with my family. Got three books.

1. The Explosionist by Jenny Davidson
2. Sparrow Delaney by Suzanne Harper
3. The Gypsy Crown by Kate Forsyth

They were all on sale. Plus, there was a book signing. I saw one person get a book signed. There wasn’t exactly a lineup or anything. I don’t remember the name of the author or the book.

I hope that someday very soon when I get to sit there and sign books for people, there’ll be a lineup for me. A huge lineup. And I want the two seconds in which I make eye contact with anyone there to change their lives forever. Maybe it’s a stretch, but I don’t care.

The rain was humbling today. The paralympic winter games started an hour or two ago. I watched that little montage of Terry Fox and when this fifteen year old came onscreen to light the cauldron or whatever, it took a blow to my happiness.

Every single time I see someone close to my age that have done great things, or are out doing great things, I think to myself, Why isn’t that me?

I’ve probably gone over this before several times, but watching people skate on TV makes me nostalgic. If I never quit figure skating in sixth grade, that really could have been me.

It’s a bitter feeling but the kind that gives you goosebumps at the same time. I hate regret. I try as hard as I can to live without it but it’s so difficult to know sometimes what you will regret and what you won’t.

I have a strong sense (mostly with my mind) that I’m going to regret not signing up for drama class in grade 11.

Speaking of classes, I did promise I’d tell you what I was taking later, and I guess now is later.

– English 3U
– Math 3U
– Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
– Media Studies 3M
– Student Council Leadership 3M
– Art 3M
– Physics 3U
– Physical Geography 3U

The 3 indicates that it is my third year of high school (grade 11) and the U indicates that I’m aiming for university. M means either university or college. I’m guessing which ones are which.

Originally I had thought that the Student Council Leadership course was something you earned on the side; that it didn’t actually take up a period in the day. I was going to take drama instead.

Do you want a run-down of what each subject is about and why I took it?

Too bad. I’m going to tell you anyway.

English 3U
English rocks. ‘Nuff said.

Math 3U
Math sucks. I got a 52% the last time around. I was completely torn on whether or not I could handle the U-level math for next year. Several universities want you to have 4U math in order to be even considered. No matter what you plan on studying once you get there. In order for you to have 4U math, you need to have 3U math. My grade 10 math teacher suggested thinking about why I didn’t do so well. If it was just because I slacked off and truly think I could have tried harder, then 3U would be fine, as long as I tried harder. If I really did try hard and truly think that no matter how hard I tried I would not be able to grasp the content, then I should think about switching down. My mother suggested I stick with U-level. So I decided to take the optimist-approach. But I really hope I can handle it.

Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
I don’t actually know if it’s M-level. This course is about learning the way people work. That’s what they told me. I have a feeling I’m born for this because let’s just say I’ve been in pretty tough phsycological situations in my life and I made it a life goal a long time ago to do my best to make other people in those same situations feel better. Plus, it’s something that’d come in handy for several of my possible career choices. (Author, polititian, teacher, entrepreneur, etc.) I know it’s going to be something I’m good at too, since my mom and my grandmother were really good at this sort of thing and I’m usually good at things Gramma is good at.

Media Studies 3M
It’s about ‘changing the media’, supposedly. One of the assignments I’ve heard of is to write an angry letter to a company because their advertisements are offensive and/or degrading. Which seems like my kind of thing. Plus Mother really persued this type of thing with her life. She used to have a really major title at Wal*Mart before “Your dad made me quit.” Sometimes life feels like it changes with the big mistakes and little victories.

Student Council Leadership 3M
I already explained this one. It’s pretty much doing whatever the students’ council does.

Art 3M
I would be stupid if I didn’t take this course. I’ve been incredible at art since, like, birth. I know it sounds like bragging, but it’s flippin’ true. I didn’t take ceramics (even though my friends are taking it) because it’s not something I’m quite as good at. Plus I have some fears…

Physics 3U
It was either physics, chemistry, or biology. Biology is a lot of memorization and cell structure and stuff (although I am very interested in the idea of cloning); chemistry is setting stuff on fire and mixing chemicals and exploding stuff (although I have a little trouble with balancing chemical formulas); and physics is force. Like gravity and the speed of light and stuff. Granted, there is math involved, but I’m thinking if the science teacher explains it to us too, then it might actually help me out a little in math 3U. What actually won me over with this, though, is that on the second day of school in grade 10, we had a really fascinating discussion on time travel and Einstein’s theory of relativity. And last year in science, I forgot about the physics/electricity test the day before and improvised/used common sense on the test and pulled of a freaking 87%. It made my life. And the teacher who teaches it is really cool too. I had him last semester and we spent several classes watching MythBusters. And another time we talked about Swine Flu for the whole class and he didn’t care. “As long as you’re learning something…”

Physical Geography 3U
Closest to astronomy I can really take. It’s about the Earth as a planet and volcanoes and stuff. Where it fits into the universe. I’ve always been interested in astronomy. I sort of secretly (well not secretly anymore) want to be an astronaut. The first Canadian and the first woman to actually set foot on the moon. (Yeah, Canadians and women have been in space before, but only 12 people have actually walked on the moon and all of them are American men.)

Yeah, that’s it. There are so many more courses I want to take, but this is alright for the time being, I guess. It’s too late to change my mind anyway. Unless I wanted to do something in summer school. Or I’d switch at the beggining of the grade 11 school year.

Thought of the day: Looking back to when I was seven years old, did I envision that this is where I’d be today?
Maybe not. Maybe so. When I was seven was about the time Avril Lavigne started to come onto the scene- when she was fifteen, just like I am now. Maybe I thought I’d be like her.
But here I am, still in high school, still writing my novel(s). I’m not the most popular kid in school, but I guess I have a bit of a quiet-smart-wierd-student-leader reputation. I really want the weird to replace the quiet though. Or maybe fit in memorable somewhere. I want to change peoples’ lives for the better.

Alex Violet

Do you want to read my third sonnet?

Pushing Freedom
Alex Violet

Do you ever wake up and to yourself you say,
“Today what they think of me doesn’t matter.
I refuse to define myself that way.”
But the more they talk, you just get madder…
If I do what they say is right,
I have given up my own voice,
For their ethics are not airtight,
And I should get the power of my own choice.
“You cannot carry the weight of the world on your shoulders,”
The wise ones say. “Sometimes you need to let go.”
But the things I let go crash louder than boulders,
Though the relief that comes with them is good to know.
Now that I’ve been given my freedom,
I look back at my troubles and think, who needed ’em?

The key to my heart and soul, right thur’. 😛

I don’t really have the time to make a super-duper long and elaborate entry (I’ve sort of let my to-do list accumulate a little too much and am just getting around to crossing stuff off) but I thought I should give you some words. I wrote that sonnet last night. Stayed up until 11:20pm or something. Didn’t really read since I had been writing one of my new books all after-school minus pathfinders.

By the way guys, I’ve started 5 more books on top of my main one. I think it’ll be easier for me now, though, because I get to choose which one to work on depending on my mood. Within the past two days I’ve been working on my vampire one though. Another has a ghost and another has time travel. I love it because I’m finally fufilling thoughts I only entertained beforehand. It feels more natural having more stories on the go and writing whenever I feel like working a certain story. I can only focus if I’m distracted.

Also, I just finished watching American Idol, and I think I should say Shioban Magnus is my favourite. 🙂 SHE WILL DOMINATE. You see, I coulda said ‘win’ but ‘DOMINATE’ sounds cooler.

Busy but happy,

Alex Violet

PS I did course selections today. Tell you ’bout them later.