Dreaming.

Okay, so I made this thing on Polyvore today and I wanted to share. It’s sort of a picture with a whole lot of embellishments then a speech about all the stuff I’ll do with my life. (I’m copying and pasting the description.)

Untitled by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Today you think I’m the quiet one in the back of the classroom.
I was the “smart one” you never got to know.
I was “good at everything,” a good artist, a writer, and therfore good at all else.
But I really was good at art, and I loved to write.
I shocked you when you saw me in drama class.
I didn’t surprise you by being on the students’ council.
It blew your mind, though, that I was writing a novel.
A fifteen-year-old high school kid from a military town, wanting to write a novel. Ha! Imagine that.
No, wait. AND thinking it would get published. Now THAT’S humour.
But then it gets published.
And you read it just to see what the commotion’s all about.
You give up halfway through because the writing’s too deep for you.
You think it’s a load of crap.
You make fun of it for all your friends and act like you were my best friend back in the day when people ask you about me.
And then I start getting into politics.
You’re not completely surprised, since I was always a “smartie.”
But you always thought I’d be more of a math teacher.
Well, you know what?
I got a 52 in tenth grade math.
So shut up.
You thought I was the quietest person in the world; you even voted me “quietest” for the yearbook.
Well, you know what?
I got a 90% in ninth grade drama.
It wasn’t because I was really good at acting like someone I wasn’t, it was because I was good at relating to people.
There was always so many dimensions to my soul and so many different sides of me that you never understood.
And as I gain steam in politics, you vote for me because you doubt anyone else will.
Then I win the election.
I keep reaching higher, and I keep making bigger goals.
The funny thing is, I keep achieving them too.
And you think I’ve somehow cheated at life, you can’t believe I did all this.
As you sit there in awe, watching me being announced prime minister of Canada on television, you think to yourself, “How the hell did she do it?”
And you just can’t comprehend it.
So all you can think of to do is turn to the hundredth guy who promised to be with you forever, and say, “I knew her when,”
Because you saw my face when. You knew my name when. You knew the name of my school and for all I know or care, what street I lived on.
But the truth is, you still can’t figure it out.
You can’t figure out how I did all this, publishing books and leading the world, learning and dreaming while you were publishing “BOOOORRRREEEEEEDDDD.” a thousand times as your facebook status.
When you gave up on dreaming, when you decided these dreams were out of reach, you stopped reaching.
But I never stopped reaching.
I never cared how impossible you told me things were, because I knew and know the truth.

You can’t just sit there and wait for things to happen.

—

Alex Violet

What if… (and stuff)

Alright, maybe this is random, but I was reading over my previous blog post today about my happy place and I thought of something. One of those “what if…” somethings.

What if everything – humanity, life, Earth, our universe, the galaxy, all the constellations, the stars, the possibility… the ‘dark matter’ and all beyond that… what if it’s contained in this giant ball? What if everything we know of is contained inside somebody else’s much larger planet?

Sorry for the lack of elaboration and detail.

In my science class last year we talked about atoms. (Because that’s what you do in science.) One kid said he believed that the universe was a giant atom. Once he said it I thought immediately, why not? The structure of an atom isn’t all that different from the structure of our solar system… there’s the nucleus/sun and the planets/protons/electrons revolving around it.

What if infinite is not so much a concept of space going on forever, but of all these different dimensions going on forever?

Atoms within atoms…

I saw something at the beggining of a Simpsons episode like that.

Yeah, like that. I’m sure some genius already came up with that theory but all I’m saying is it makes sense… doesn’t it? It can’t be proven wrong and it can’t be proven right… yet. So why not?

I’ve got to get up early tomorrow morning to go sell Girl Guide cookies at the Sears with pathfinders. I know that Brianna will be going to the morning shift but I’m not sure who else. After that, my Daddy is picking me up with Buddy and we’re going to spend the rest of the weekend together.

I’m so excited. Pretty much all week I’ve been jumping up and down out of nowhere telling my friends, “MY DADDY IS COMING THIS WEEKEND.”

“I know, you already told me.”

So yeah.

And I walked home from school today with Smiley (BFF) who I haven’t talked to all that much since the March break, really. She told me she’s been helping out with this thing for Haiti at lunch (she told me on Wednesday, I think) so I decided to go with her to help out when I have the time. (So of course that only means two days of the week: Thursdays and Fridays.) On this walk home I expected we would catch up on lost talking time but no, not really. I tried to make conversation but it = failed attempts at the start.

The thing is, I pretty much tell Smiley everything. Every memory I have, every opinion I have, every thought that passes through my mind. Smiley knows ALL. So often when I try to say something to make conversation, I always get,

“I know, you already told me.”

I absolutely loathe it when conversation runs dry. And so after plenty of awkward silence I said, “What’s with all this me talking and you replying with, like, two-word answers?”

“Because… I’m awesome.”

“Okay, three words doesn’t really make a difference.”

-Silence as we walk on further.-

“Hey have I told you about the vampire story I’m working on?”

“Not much.”

“Do you want to hear about it?”

“Couldn’t hurt.”

So in order to extend conversation, I explain EVERY detail that I remember, only cutting back to summarize insignificant parts. I tell her who said what when and point out how much manners a character has and why and how they grew up and all they remember of their life.

I’ve got until something like the fifth scene in (which’s maybe half what I have so far, more or less; I have 67 pages written so far) when we get close to her place (I’ve always lived farthest from any of my schools than all my friends) she asks if I’m thirsty or anything.

“Yes, I’ve been talking all this time, my throat’s getting sore.”

And so we get to her place and she offers me a water bottle from the fridge and I say thank you. She says my story seems really interesting so far. I say if she’d like to read it, I could put an updated copy on my memory stick (those USB things, whatever) and lend it to her after J. (yes, my friend from yoga club) has given it back. (J. wanted to read my story but I think she got bored after the first scene and is too kind to admit it. She tried giving back the memory stick after a few days and I said, “Well, aren’t you finished it?” “Well, no.” And then I said she could keep it until she finished it if she wanted. So without enthusiasm she put it back in her pocket. I asked her later -as in a week later- if she’d been reading it and what she thought of it. She slowly admitted she honestly hadn’t read any more of it since.)

Well, there’s going to be the odd person who doesn’t so much like my story. But what the hell. I do. SOMEBODY else has to. So who cares?

So yeah. That’s life.

OH YEAH. And I’m going on a feild trip on Monday with History. Yeah. Have to be at school by a quarter to seven. (!) Getting a ride with Smiley since she’s going on the trip too but with her class. I’ve got so many assignments due Monday but thank goodness no one told the teachers there’s going to be a trip that day so we’ll have to be a day late. (They usually make you hand it in early if you tell them.)

So yeah. THAT’S the insanely awesomazing life of ME.

Alex Violet

Nostalgic Rainy Days

Today is a nostalgic rainy day.

I went to the mall briefly with my family. Got three books.

1. The Explosionist by Jenny Davidson
2. Sparrow Delaney by Suzanne Harper
3. The Gypsy Crown by Kate Forsyth

They were all on sale. Plus, there was a book signing. I saw one person get a book signed. There wasn’t exactly a lineup or anything. I don’t remember the name of the author or the book.

I hope that someday very soon when I get to sit there and sign books for people, there’ll be a lineup for me. A huge lineup. And I want the two seconds in which I make eye contact with anyone there to change their lives forever. Maybe it’s a stretch, but I don’t care.

The rain was humbling today. The paralympic winter games started an hour or two ago. I watched that little montage of Terry Fox and when this fifteen year old came onscreen to light the cauldron or whatever, it took a blow to my happiness.

Every single time I see someone close to my age that have done great things, or are out doing great things, I think to myself, Why isn’t that me?

I’ve probably gone over this before several times, but watching people skate on TV makes me nostalgic. If I never quit figure skating in sixth grade, that really could have been me.

It’s a bitter feeling but the kind that gives you goosebumps at the same time. I hate regret. I try as hard as I can to live without it but it’s so difficult to know sometimes what you will regret and what you won’t.

I have a strong sense (mostly with my mind) that I’m going to regret not signing up for drama class in grade 11.

Speaking of classes, I did promise I’d tell you what I was taking later, and I guess now is later.

– English 3U
– Math 3U
– Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
– Media Studies 3M
– Student Council Leadership 3M
– Art 3M
– Physics 3U
– Physical Geography 3U

The 3 indicates that it is my third year of high school (grade 11) and the U indicates that I’m aiming for university. M means either university or college. I’m guessing which ones are which.

Originally I had thought that the Student Council Leadership course was something you earned on the side; that it didn’t actually take up a period in the day. I was going to take drama instead.

Do you want a run-down of what each subject is about and why I took it?

Too bad. I’m going to tell you anyway.

English 3U
English rocks. ‘Nuff said.

Math 3U
Math sucks. I got a 52% the last time around. I was completely torn on whether or not I could handle the U-level math for next year. Several universities want you to have 4U math in order to be even considered. No matter what you plan on studying once you get there. In order for you to have 4U math, you need to have 3U math. My grade 10 math teacher suggested thinking about why I didn’t do so well. If it was just because I slacked off and truly think I could have tried harder, then 3U would be fine, as long as I tried harder. If I really did try hard and truly think that no matter how hard I tried I would not be able to grasp the content, then I should think about switching down. My mother suggested I stick with U-level. So I decided to take the optimist-approach. But I really hope I can handle it.

Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
I don’t actually know if it’s M-level. This course is about learning the way people work. That’s what they told me. I have a feeling I’m born for this because let’s just say I’ve been in pretty tough phsycological situations in my life and I made it a life goal a long time ago to do my best to make other people in those same situations feel better. Plus, it’s something that’d come in handy for several of my possible career choices. (Author, polititian, teacher, entrepreneur, etc.) I know it’s going to be something I’m good at too, since my mom and my grandmother were really good at this sort of thing and I’m usually good at things Gramma is good at.

Media Studies 3M
It’s about ‘changing the media’, supposedly. One of the assignments I’ve heard of is to write an angry letter to a company because their advertisements are offensive and/or degrading. Which seems like my kind of thing. Plus Mother really persued this type of thing with her life. She used to have a really major title at Wal*Mart before “Your dad made me quit.” Sometimes life feels like it changes with the big mistakes and little victories.

Student Council Leadership 3M
I already explained this one. It’s pretty much doing whatever the students’ council does.

Art 3M
I would be stupid if I didn’t take this course. I’ve been incredible at art since, like, birth. I know it sounds like bragging, but it’s flippin’ true. I didn’t take ceramics (even though my friends are taking it) because it’s not something I’m quite as good at. Plus I have some fears…

Physics 3U
It was either physics, chemistry, or biology. Biology is a lot of memorization and cell structure and stuff (although I am very interested in the idea of cloning); chemistry is setting stuff on fire and mixing chemicals and exploding stuff (although I have a little trouble with balancing chemical formulas); and physics is force. Like gravity and the speed of light and stuff. Granted, there is math involved, but I’m thinking if the science teacher explains it to us too, then it might actually help me out a little in math 3U. What actually won me over with this, though, is that on the second day of school in grade 10, we had a really fascinating discussion on time travel and Einstein’s theory of relativity. And last year in science, I forgot about the physics/electricity test the day before and improvised/used common sense on the test and pulled of a freaking 87%. It made my life. And the teacher who teaches it is really cool too. I had him last semester and we spent several classes watching MythBusters. And another time we talked about Swine Flu for the whole class and he didn’t care. “As long as you’re learning something…”

Physical Geography 3U
Closest to astronomy I can really take. It’s about the Earth as a planet and volcanoes and stuff. Where it fits into the universe. I’ve always been interested in astronomy. I sort of secretly (well not secretly anymore) want to be an astronaut. The first Canadian and the first woman to actually set foot on the moon. (Yeah, Canadians and women have been in space before, but only 12 people have actually walked on the moon and all of them are American men.)

Yeah, that’s it. There are so many more courses I want to take, but this is alright for the time being, I guess. It’s too late to change my mind anyway. Unless I wanted to do something in summer school. Or I’d switch at the beggining of the grade 11 school year.

Thought of the day: Looking back to when I was seven years old, did I envision that this is where I’d be today?
Maybe not. Maybe so. When I was seven was about the time Avril Lavigne started to come onto the scene- when she was fifteen, just like I am now. Maybe I thought I’d be like her.
But here I am, still in high school, still writing my novel(s). I’m not the most popular kid in school, but I guess I have a bit of a quiet-smart-wierd-student-leader reputation. I really want the weird to replace the quiet though. Or maybe fit in memorable somewhere. I want to change peoples’ lives for the better.

Alex Violet

Resolutions

I’m sure I’ll probably edit this post later on; but these are my goals for the new decade:

1

Finish my novel already; and get it published.

2

Audition for Canadian Idol

3

Change people’s lives (for the better!)

4

Pursue a career I love

5

Visit another country for at least a week

6

Be Happy 🙂

7

Share that happiness

8

Make history

9

Learn to bake bread

10

Do something prideful each year that I can remember the year by (like last year it was Dinner Theatre, this year the Student Council & The Youth Council)

11

Be in a movie (even if I’m just an extra) (a sitcom would count too) (even just behind-the-scenes in a play)

But my main goal for 2010 is to write my novel and do my very best in school.

On a different note, I got a texty messaging phone (is not activated) for Christmas as well as several other lovely items such as a sweatshirt with built-in headphones by Avril Lavigne’s Abbey Dawn clothing label and a box set of Jane Austen novels. (Tried reading Emma but didn’t get past the first couple of pages. Now I’ve read the first chapter of Northanger Abbey)

My family and I went out shopping yesterday on Boxing Day. We visited Best Buy where my brother got an iPod shuffle (in aquamarine), and Chapters where I got Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac, which I read most of the morning. Really good book so far.

At Best Buy my mother suggested we look at laptops for me. She originally suggested that I look into a laptop with my Best Buy gift card and my significant amount of money (by my standards) given to me by my incredibly generous family members for Christmas and my birthday.

So we were looking at those really miniature baby laptops that are only, like, 1 gigabyte (that’s sixteen times less than my iPod, and my iPod is not even the newest version as I got it last year for Christmas) and I thought they looked absolutely adorable but they just wouldn’t be enough space for me.

I formed a small checklist for things I must be able to fit on my laptop:
– I must be able to have internet.
– I must be able to write my stories on it.
– I must be able to play the Sims 3.

Anything besides that is just a bonus.
So I saw this one that was of the larger variety and it was called the Acer ASPIRE (not sure about the capitals but I think it looks cool the way I typed it).
Supposedly it ‘has Windows 7’ which everybody was treating as a program while all this time I thought it was a type of computer on its own.

I don’t know. I just want a decent laptop for a small price.

So yeah, life is great, hope it is for you too. I am off to activate my telephone.

And my birthday is in two days.

DECEMBER 29 2009 – Alex will be fifteen years old.

Hope your last few days of the decade is lovely.

Alex Violet