whatever.

whatever. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Description:

To me, ugly wasn’t just my weight, it was just how my weight was distributed. It was my eyebrows being to thick. It was my face having too many zits. My neck too fat, my palms too sweaty. It was my lack of height and my lack of being blonde and my being the only one not in a black dress to my sixth grade graduation. (I wore a blue dress.) My lack of friends, my lack of status and my lack of swearing.
These days it’s my grades being less than perfect and my lack of social life beyond my small circle of friends. It’s my lack of people remembering who I am and my lack of talent, especially in math. It’s all the extra curriculars I’m participating in and lack of money and free time. It’s university. It’s high school. It’s now. It’s trying to keep up with the world. It’s politics. It’s breaking stereotype. It’s what everyone thinks about me and what everyone doesn’t.

But you know what? F it all. “If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and f the rest.”

You can’t be everyone’s perfect image.

Alex Violet

My personality this day…

View Full MyPersonality.org Profile

0 50 100	%
Openness	93%
Conscientiousness	58%
Extraversion	61%
Agreeableness	61%
Neuroticism	28%

This is from that thing on FaceBook. “Big 5” or whatever. (It’s my results from a personality questionnaire that I took over facebook.)

If you want a more in-depth explaination or whatever, read below. But it’s all copied and pasted from FaceBook, just warning.

Openness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 95% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is far more intellectually curious and sensitive to beauty than most. You might say that your beliefs are individualistic and frequently drift towards the unconventional, and that you enjoy your imagination and the exciting places it takes you! However, your friends’ descriptions suggest that they think that you are far more conventional than you realise, and that they think that you would much prefer things to stay the same.

Reflective question: What place do you think that tradition has in society (if any)?

Conscientiousness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 40% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is spontaneous and fun, and that you like to do unexpected things that make life that bit more interesting. You might say that you aren’t completely unreliable, but you’ve been known to slip up on occasion. Your friends’ descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Reflective question: How do you go about tackling a new task?

Extraversion
This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 46% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who enjoys and actively seeks out social occasions, but would say that they’re not everything. You might say that sometimes it is nice to step back for a while and have a quiet night in. Your friends’ descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Reflective question: What role do you tend to play in a team? (at work or in social activities)

Agreeableness
This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 40% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who people can find difficult to get along with when you first meet, as you can be suspicious of their motives. Your responses suggest that over time though people warm to you, and you to them, although that doesn’t stop you telling them “how it is”. Your friends’ descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Reflective question: When others are experiencing problems, what do you do?

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life’s demands. Approximately 21% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is calm and emotionally stable. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who is rarely bothered by things, and when they do get you down the feeling does not persist for very long. However, your friends’ descriptions suggest that they feel that you are less emotionally stable than you think. You project yourself as someone who gets stressed out by things more easily than you realise.

Reflective question: When do your emotions (or lack of emotions) get in the way of good decision making?

GREAT WEEKEND I HAD. Field trip tomorrow. Have to get up at 5 AM. Ride’s coming for me at 6 AM. Have to be at bus by 6:45 AM. Will probably be back home by 5 PM. Now I’ve got to get to sleep. ‘Night.

Alex Violet

All I want is peace.

I’ve been feeling a little emotional over the past couple days. (View my posts from yesterday, part one and part two.)

So I was listening today to How to Save a Life by the Fray (the version with snippets of people’s voices reacting to the 9/11. I decided to watch some videos on YouTube with that song played to scenes and photos from the 9/11. (There are lots.)

Of course, I cried a bit.

Not as bad as yesterday with the lady at the assembly.

But it was still sad.

I looked at some pictures of people protesting against war and things like that over flickr and got a little upset.

It seems the gist of what these people in reaction are saying is that:

“This is the United States, as Americans, we need to be civil. War is never the answer.”

Damn right, war is never the answer. But being American shouldn’t be your excuse to be peaceful to others; you should be peaceful because the people you’re warring against are just like you.

They live, they breathe, they feel, they listen, they see, they cry, they’ve seen the same sun and the same moon and the same stars and sky as you.

They live on this earth, just like you.

They are human, just like you.

They feel pain, just like you.

You should say, rather than “These things just aren’t supposed to happen in America,” you should say, “These things just aren’t supposed to happen on Earth.”

We should be civil and peaceful as representatives of the whole beautiful and trecherous world, not just our race or religion or nation.

When the world trade centre was knocked down, it wasn’t just a knock to the United States, it was a knock to the world.

You shouldn’t do things just because as a person from whatever country (or with whatever race or religion) and say “That’s just what people like me do.”

No, you should do things because you feel in your heart and mind and soul (if you believe in souls) with everything you know and have experienced as a human being, that what you choose to do is the right thing.

Not just because someone told you that it’s right.

Especially if you’re just picking that choice or candidate (or whatever) because that’s what everyone else is choosing and you’re too lazy to think for yourself.

Now I’m not telling you to not listen to anyone else. I’m not telling you to close your mind.

I’m telling you to open your mind, open your eyes, and open your heart.

I’m not telling you to go against something just to assert your independence, either. I’m just telling you that you should only do something if you in your heart/mind feel/know that what you’re doing is right.

And if you do truly feel/know that it’s right, then you should do something, take action, follow a dream or something.

Make a blog. 😛

I know I’m being awfully contradictory/hypocritical by saying “you should” continuously, but I’m sorry. (I don’t know how else to word what I’m trying to say properly.)

I’m just trying to open some minds.

And maybe I should feel empowered by writing all this, but to be honest with you, I feel miserable. But that may just be since I feel ostrasized.

Somedays it feels like the world is made by Americans, for Americans.

Well, not everyone is American. (And I’m not saying all Americans are selfish and ostrasizing either.)

Minority matters, minorities are worth mentioning. And for crying out loud, other majorities, too.

I’m Canadian. As much as I love being Canadian, (and I truly do) I am also a human being, a citizen of this earth. So I feel in my heart and soul and mind that I should treat everyone I meet as such.

But every time I’m reading a magazine (sold and bought in Canada) and it offers an exciting contest, only to discover it’s only open to American citizens, you’ve got to understand why I can’t help feeling disappointed, left out. If you’re going to exclude me, at least don’t rub it in my face.

I keep coming back to, “We’re all citizens of the Earth.”

But really, the more I consider these words and the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s true.

It shouldn’t matter who you are, all that should matter is that you’ve lived on this earth, and that, at least, we have in common.

Even if you just so happen to be an alien (lol) we’ve all had the experience of being alive, right? And we all have some grasp of how life works, maybe just our version of life, but still.

Knowing only about your life doesn’t give you the right to be selfish to others, does it?

Once you make an effort to understand someone, to walk a while in their shoes, you’ll realize their true intentions aren’t as harsh as they seem.

If everyone made an effort to understand each other, where we’re all coming from, than world peace would be a lot easier to achieve.

Less people would blow things out of proportion if they know the real size of the situation.

At least, that’s the way I see it.

Have a nice day,

Alex Violet

Maybe I’m scarred for life… or blessed with the truth. Pt. 2

-FAIR WARNING- THIS ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! THERE ARE DISTURBING PHOTOS BELOW

Notice I put pt. 1 on the previous post. (If you haven’t, check out part one or else you’ll be lost.)

That was because I wasn’t finished with my point(s) but still wanted to post something before pathfinders.

Later today, all those slides of the starved-to-death corpses still fresh in my mind, I was looking at some blogs I’m following.

One of them, is a blog about fashion. (For those of you that don’t know, I sort of have a passion for fashion.)

Obviously, where there’s fashion, there are models. And where there are models, there’s going to be eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia.

It occurred to me that THIS:

Is really not much different from THIS:

It’s just that one of them is more commonly known as art while the other is more commonly known as torture to the death.

I couldn’t look at the “art” one for very long since at first glance I immediately looked at those prominent ribcages and associated it with the other images.

So, being the Alex that I am, I wrote a sonnet about it. (#13) Here it is:

We are all guilty of the loving scare;
To build up on “I can do this” and “I’m not afraid.”
But is it really all that pretty when you’re loosing all your hair,
With your ribcage on display and your integrity frayed?
People following your path will reach a dead end.
Whether they fall far enough could save their life,
Yet you jump willing – like it’s a game of pretend.
You could yell, resist but run under the knife…
I can’t watch you do this, it’s suicide.
You mistrust and deny the true open mind;
You need more compassion than your lonely world will provide.
No one there has seen how real it gets when no one is kind:
The crisis and trenches and malnurished dead bodies.
When will you see that your life is worth no commodity?

I’ve got a lot going through my mind today from all this.

I personally, have never had any problems with eating disorders, but I’ve known of people to go through it. The worst I’ve had is eating too much junk food and becoming a bit of a hermit/couch potato. I try to work on getting outside more often and eating healthy now because I know I’ll feel better and I’ll thank myself later.

It isn’t about being thin or fat, it’s about being healthy, full of life.

“All that lives is holy.”

Life is beautiful.

In other news, I’m on page 62 (approximately) of the vampire novel I’m writing. I’ve told a couple of my new friends (!) about my story and one asked to read it and another promised to buy it when it’s published. 🙂

I’ve got a long way to go, but I can still sensing that dream within walking (running?) distance. I’m going to achieve it this time. I’ve got to.

Alex Violet