Hiatus.

I feel like I need to take a bit of a hiatus from blogging.

Reasons why:

a) I’ve become one of those obsessive people that checks her email constantly for comments on blog posts and then the actual wordpress website to look at how many page views I’ve got and how many subscribers I’ve got TOO OFTEN.
When I was in sixth grade, I was an internet junkie too, and I figured if I couldn’t make my way socially through school, I’d make it through the internet. But I’m in HIGH SCHOOL now. High school years are supposed to be the years I remember for the rest of my life, and I’m just spending too much of it distracted through things like blogging and polyvore.

b) If I want to write about my life, I’ve got a journal for that. And I can say more without worrying who I’ll offend or anger or shock in a journal. My journal is private.

(Side note: My journal is currently close to being filled up. (220 full pages of my journal are written, plus a sentence on the 221st page. I keep purple journals with snap-button closure things on the edge since I like to tuck things like tickets or brochures in the pages. If anyone knows where -Canadian stores- I can buy a journal like that, let me know. Or you can, *ahem, people who know me live* maybe buy one for me as an advance birthday, Christmas, or other gift-giving holiday gift? *Imagine a puppy-dog pout here.* *No, wait. A small baby kitten meowing. Or Puss in Boots from Shrek with that face.*)

c) It’s time consuming. (1:09 AM as I write this.)

d) When I try to catch up with people on the phone about my week, *cough, cough: DADDY* they already know what I’m about to say because they read my blog. So conversation isn’t quite as fun.

e) …

Alright, I can’t think of an (e) right now, but I think you catch my drift.

I love to write, but right now, I’d rather focus on writing my novel, or in my journal, or in English class (really the place where grown-ups want you to write).

I don’t think I’ll stop blogging for good. I’ve just got so much going on in my life and there’s quite a bit that I’ve realized today.

I’m not shy. I’m not quiet. I’m not the student everyone thinks I am. I’m loud and act crazy and that’s who I really am, because I feel great when I act like that; I feel like me. If I sit down to type about my life for the trillionth time (I’ve got my journal and all my friends to talk to.) what happened this week, it actually TAKES AWAY from what really happened that week, if you realize it.

And sometimes I’d just prefer to have a journal that you can actually hold with your hands, open and read the words I wrote so long ago. Somehow it feels more… real.

I’m happy that you like my writing (if you didn’t, I doubt you would’ve read this far) because writing IS something I care passionately about. But I hate having to repeat myself to so many sources because it’s hard to keep track of what I’ve told to who. I hear way too often, “I know, you told me already.”

Anyway, I feel like going anti-technology for a while because it really sucks up quite a bit of my life. If I feel I’ve got something I really feel I need to share with the world, maybe I’ll interrupt the hiatus to write something.

But right now I need to work on my life rather than trying to sort out everyone else’s, or even philosophy in general. I’ll still look for meaning in everything… just everyday things. If I get too obsessed with having to have an opinion on everything and analyze everything, I think I’ll go crazy…

So just, long story short: I can’t handle blogging right now so I’m taking a break. I don’t know for how long. I might post something little (like a sonnet or a paragraph or a picture) every once in a while to let you know that I’m still alive. But whenever I post something, it probably won’t be very frequently.

If I know you in person and you REALLY, I mean REALLY want to read something else I’ve written, let me know.

Thank you for reading,

Alex Violet.

whatever.

whatever. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

Description:

To me, ugly wasn’t just my weight, it was just how my weight was distributed. It was my eyebrows being to thick. It was my face having too many zits. My neck too fat, my palms too sweaty. It was my lack of height and my lack of being blonde and my being the only one not in a black dress to my sixth grade graduation. (I wore a blue dress.) My lack of friends, my lack of status and my lack of swearing.
These days it’s my grades being less than perfect and my lack of social life beyond my small circle of friends. It’s my lack of people remembering who I am and my lack of talent, especially in math. It’s all the extra curriculars I’m participating in and lack of money and free time. It’s university. It’s high school. It’s now. It’s trying to keep up with the world. It’s politics. It’s breaking stereotype. It’s what everyone thinks about me and what everyone doesn’t.

But you know what? F it all. “If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and f the rest.”

You can’t be everyone’s perfect image.

Alex Violet