whatever.

whatever. by DinosaurMuffin on Polyvore.com

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To me, ugly wasn’t just my weight, it was just how my weight was distributed. It was my eyebrows being to thick. It was my face having too many zits. My neck too fat, my palms too sweaty. It was my lack of height and my lack of being blonde and my being the only one not in a black dress to my sixth grade graduation. (I wore a blue dress.) My lack of friends, my lack of status and my lack of swearing.
These days it’s my grades being less than perfect and my lack of social life beyond my small circle of friends. It’s my lack of people remembering who I am and my lack of talent, especially in math. It’s all the extra curriculars I’m participating in and lack of money and free time. It’s university. It’s high school. It’s now. It’s trying to keep up with the world. It’s politics. It’s breaking stereotype. It’s what everyone thinks about me and what everyone doesn’t.

But you know what? F it all. “If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and f the rest.”

You can’t be everyone’s perfect image.

Alex Violet

Nostalgic Rainy Days

Today is a nostalgic rainy day.

I went to the mall briefly with my family. Got three books.

1. The Explosionist by Jenny Davidson
2. Sparrow Delaney by Suzanne Harper
3. The Gypsy Crown by Kate Forsyth

They were all on sale. Plus, there was a book signing. I saw one person get a book signed. There wasn’t exactly a lineup or anything. I don’t remember the name of the author or the book.

I hope that someday very soon when I get to sit there and sign books for people, there’ll be a lineup for me. A huge lineup. And I want the two seconds in which I make eye contact with anyone there to change their lives forever. Maybe it’s a stretch, but I don’t care.

The rain was humbling today. The paralympic winter games started an hour or two ago. I watched that little montage of Terry Fox and when this fifteen year old came onscreen to light the cauldron or whatever, it took a blow to my happiness.

Every single time I see someone close to my age that have done great things, or are out doing great things, I think to myself, Why isn’t that me?

I’ve probably gone over this before several times, but watching people skate on TV makes me nostalgic. If I never quit figure skating in sixth grade, that really could have been me.

It’s a bitter feeling but the kind that gives you goosebumps at the same time. I hate regret. I try as hard as I can to live without it but it’s so difficult to know sometimes what you will regret and what you won’t.

I have a strong sense (mostly with my mind) that I’m going to regret not signing up for drama class in grade 11.

Speaking of classes, I did promise I’d tell you what I was taking later, and I guess now is later.

– English 3U
– Math 3U
– Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
– Media Studies 3M
– Student Council Leadership 3M
– Art 3M
– Physics 3U
– Physical Geography 3U

The 3 indicates that it is my third year of high school (grade 11) and the U indicates that I’m aiming for university. M means either university or college. I’m guessing which ones are which.

Originally I had thought that the Student Council Leadership course was something you earned on the side; that it didn’t actually take up a period in the day. I was going to take drama instead.

Do you want a run-down of what each subject is about and why I took it?

Too bad. I’m going to tell you anyway.

English 3U
English rocks. ‘Nuff said.

Math 3U
Math sucks. I got a 52% the last time around. I was completely torn on whether or not I could handle the U-level math for next year. Several universities want you to have 4U math in order to be even considered. No matter what you plan on studying once you get there. In order for you to have 4U math, you need to have 3U math. My grade 10 math teacher suggested thinking about why I didn’t do so well. If it was just because I slacked off and truly think I could have tried harder, then 3U would be fine, as long as I tried harder. If I really did try hard and truly think that no matter how hard I tried I would not be able to grasp the content, then I should think about switching down. My mother suggested I stick with U-level. So I decided to take the optimist-approach. But I really hope I can handle it.

Anthropology/Phsycology/Sociology 3M
I don’t actually know if it’s M-level. This course is about learning the way people work. That’s what they told me. I have a feeling I’m born for this because let’s just say I’ve been in pretty tough phsycological situations in my life and I made it a life goal a long time ago to do my best to make other people in those same situations feel better. Plus, it’s something that’d come in handy for several of my possible career choices. (Author, polititian, teacher, entrepreneur, etc.) I know it’s going to be something I’m good at too, since my mom and my grandmother were really good at this sort of thing and I’m usually good at things Gramma is good at.

Media Studies 3M
It’s about ‘changing the media’, supposedly. One of the assignments I’ve heard of is to write an angry letter to a company because their advertisements are offensive and/or degrading. Which seems like my kind of thing. Plus Mother really persued this type of thing with her life. She used to have a really major title at Wal*Mart before “Your dad made me quit.” Sometimes life feels like it changes with the big mistakes and little victories.

Student Council Leadership 3M
I already explained this one. It’s pretty much doing whatever the students’ council does.

Art 3M
I would be stupid if I didn’t take this course. I’ve been incredible at art since, like, birth. I know it sounds like bragging, but it’s flippin’ true. I didn’t take ceramics (even though my friends are taking it) because it’s not something I’m quite as good at. Plus I have some fears…

Physics 3U
It was either physics, chemistry, or biology. Biology is a lot of memorization and cell structure and stuff (although I am very interested in the idea of cloning); chemistry is setting stuff on fire and mixing chemicals and exploding stuff (although I have a little trouble with balancing chemical formulas); and physics is force. Like gravity and the speed of light and stuff. Granted, there is math involved, but I’m thinking if the science teacher explains it to us too, then it might actually help me out a little in math 3U. What actually won me over with this, though, is that on the second day of school in grade 10, we had a really fascinating discussion on time travel and Einstein’s theory of relativity. And last year in science, I forgot about the physics/electricity test the day before and improvised/used common sense on the test and pulled of a freaking 87%. It made my life. And the teacher who teaches it is really cool too. I had him last semester and we spent several classes watching MythBusters. And another time we talked about Swine Flu for the whole class and he didn’t care. “As long as you’re learning something…”

Physical Geography 3U
Closest to astronomy I can really take. It’s about the Earth as a planet and volcanoes and stuff. Where it fits into the universe. I’ve always been interested in astronomy. I sort of secretly (well not secretly anymore) want to be an astronaut. The first Canadian and the first woman to actually set foot on the moon. (Yeah, Canadians and women have been in space before, but only 12 people have actually walked on the moon and all of them are American men.)

Yeah, that’s it. There are so many more courses I want to take, but this is alright for the time being, I guess. It’s too late to change my mind anyway. Unless I wanted to do something in summer school. Or I’d switch at the beggining of the grade 11 school year.

Thought of the day: Looking back to when I was seven years old, did I envision that this is where I’d be today?
Maybe not. Maybe so. When I was seven was about the time Avril Lavigne started to come onto the scene- when she was fifteen, just like I am now. Maybe I thought I’d be like her.
But here I am, still in high school, still writing my novel(s). I’m not the most popular kid in school, but I guess I have a bit of a quiet-smart-wierd-student-leader reputation. I really want the weird to replace the quiet though. Or maybe fit in memorable somewhere. I want to change peoples’ lives for the better.

Alex Violet

SEMESTER TWO OF TENTH GRADE

The week just finished was the first week I had of semester 2.

These are my classes:
Period 1: Gr. 10 Academic English
Period 2: Gr. 10 Drama
Period 3: Lunch. 😀
Period 4: Gr. 10 Art
Period 5: Gr. 10 Academic History

These are all areas that I am INCREDIBLY talented at. For serious. I’m so going to have, like, a 88% average by mid-terms.

On the first morning (Tuesday- Monday was a PA Day) back, I was so freaking excited that I almost peed my pants. For serious.

I’m not sure where I first heard ‘For serious’, but I’m thinking it’s going to be my new catchphrase. You see, I go through catchphrase phases. Right now I’m trying to get ‘ace’ to be said along with ‘epic’. It’s easy to start these trends with my friends, because they’re the sort of people who think it’s fun to start trends.

Like “awesomazing”. I made a facebook group dedicated for people who use the word “awesomazing” in the summer. I think there were 8 when school started and today I checked and there were 45. (!) Most of them I didn’t even know in person!!!! 😀

Anyway, I’m getting off-topic, but that’s okay.

Now I’m going to tell you all about my awesomazing classes. 🙂

ENGLISH
We’re supposed to read Romeo & Juliet; To Kill a Mockingbird; and also Lord of the Flies. And we will be writing lots and lots. Which is GREAT!!! I love to write. Well, obviously. I write a blog, right? Last year in academic English I got a 84% and I know I probably could have tried harder.
But supposedly the teacher I had before was an easy marker and this one is a harsh marker. On those little sheets we’re supposed to fill out with little things about ourselves (our fav. classes; hobbies; and what our goal mark for this class is) I wrote that I expected at least an 80% of myself.
This is going to be much, much fun. I can tell. The teacher has a sense of humour, that’s why. Also, I’m not sitting alone in the back of the class like I sometimes tend to do. I sit in the centre column one desk up from the front, and someone sits beside me. And they aren’t a terrible person either.

DRAMA
Originally, I think this class had around 16 people in it, a cute little group to begin with. Then like, 5 people switched out. So stagefright is minimized, sort of.
Speaking of stagefright, I’m thinking I’ll just ignore it this time, like I did last year. Last year I was trying to prove to myself that I CAN act, no matter what anyone says. In elementary school, I got practically straight B-minuses in this subject. Last year I pulled of 90%. I think I mentioned this before. Several times. Sorry. But I will never get tired of bragging.
It’s a different teacher this year, one that’s more into the theoretical side of drama than the actual acting side of it. But it’s fine, since I love theoretical discussions.
And every day we do games (“vocal excersises, physical excersises, etc.” she calls them) and things like trust falls. And my antisocialism won’t affect anything, either, since I’ve known some of them since elementary/middle school. (For the record- I refer to gr. 7 & 8 as middle school since it was a different school than the one I went to during gr.6 and all years before that.)
And each time the teacher makes us pair up with someone new, who’s not our “best friend in the class”. So this time, people actually approach me, like I always wanted. But now I also don’t have fear of picking someone random, either.

ART
My teacher for grade 9 art was the best- she was all “take your time,” and “it doesn’t have to be perfect, no matter what you do it will be a masterpiece”. On all the sketchbook drawings I handed in, she marked them ten out of ten. Except for the last one, which I didn’t do. (No time.)
Then, as you know, she gave me the grade 9 art award. 🙂
This year I was supposed to get the other art teacher who I don’t know very well.
But when they handed me my schedule Tuesday morning, I did a double-take.
Oh my God. Thank you. I was almost going to pee myself again. I have the awesome teacher again! It’s as if all my brutal suffering of last semester pulled off! The fates are on my side!!! 😀
I’m expecting maybe an 86% in this class. I got 80% last year because I suck at clay.

HISTORY
We did an assignment on Thursday that was about one page front and back and a third of another page.
It was open-textbook and she gave us the page numbers.
I got like, a 97% on it.
In order to be exempt from the history exam, you need at least an 80% going into the exam. When I first head about this exemption policy, I was ecstatic. For serious. I’ve made a vow to pull off something way above that. And one I got the assignment back, I thought, NINETY!!!

This is going to be an AWESOMAZING semester.

My bladder told me so. 🙂

The awesomazing and ecstatic,
Alex Violet

P.S. I should probably tell you about my favourite feeling in the world.

I walked through the doors every morning this week with the thought in my mind, this is the way high school is supposed to be, and I am NOT as stupid as semester one made me feel!!!